The Appointment

                My office, as per usual, is spotless.  For my next client, it has to be.  If there is anything lying around, he will find it and fiddle with it until it breaks.  He got a hold of my reading glasses once and snapped them at the bridge when I asked him a question that had startled him.  That was the last time I left anything of value on my desk within his reach.

                It’s been a while since I’ve seen Holden.  He skipped out on his last appointment, so it has been nearly a month.  The last time I saw him, he complained about his girlfriend at the time being obsessed with the Beatles.  Said something about them being phonies, with their long hair and ‘stupid, catchy music.’

                I’ve left the appointment time before Holden’s free, because I know that he tends to be early without thinking to appointments, and he rarely knocks.  At 10:03, there is a knock at the door and, without waiting for an answer, Holden saunters in.  “Hey Doc, how ya been?” He beams at me.  The smile on his face seems pained and nearly a grimace, not the usual jokey smile that Holden gives me when he walks in.  I have known him for five years, and over those five years I’ve seen him sad and upset and happy and manic, but I’ve never seen him look quite like this.

                He looks defeated.

“I could ask you the same thing.  Are you alright?” I ask as Holden sits in the chair in front of my desk, scooting it up close.  He pulls my pencil cup towards him and starts fiddling with the pencils.  He ignores me.  I grab back the cup and fix him with a look.

                “Holden, answer my question.  What’s wrong?  Also, why did you miss your last appointment?  I called your parents, D.B…. I even called Phoebe.  No one knew where you were.  Do you want to talk about it?” Holden takes off his ratty, tattered hunting hat at my words.  He turns it over and over in his hands, avoiding eye contact.

                He is quiet, composed.  Then all of the sudden he starts talking. It is like a dam broke in him and all of the words are spilling out.

                “Did Phoebe tell you she had her kid?  Yeah, she got married right out of college, to that French guy, Jean-Claude.  She met him when she was traveling, living in France to get inspiration for her writing.  At first I was upset, but I couldn’t have said anything to her.  I mean, it’s Phoebe.  She wouldn’ta listened to me anyway.  She can pretty goddam stubborn when she wants.  I guess she learned it from me.

                “I mean, I wish that I could have been there for her more when she was younger, but I was always away at those schools.  She was one of my favorite people.  Still is.  I guess I thought that she should’ve gotten a chance to live before she became a mom, I guess.  But she had a little boy. Named him Allie.  I damn near cried when she told me.

                “You know what else she did, Old Phoebe?  She named me the kid’s godfather.  How’s about that?  Me, a godfather.  Phoebe trusts me enough to be the kid’s goddam godfather.  Answer me this, huh, Doc? How am I supposed to be this kid’s godfather if I’m killed in the war?  How am I supposed to be around for him if I’m gunned down in Vietnam?”  Holden stares at me.

                It all starts to make sense.  The President announced the need for a draft for the Vietnam War about a month ago.  No wonder Holden is having an episode.  He’s been drafted.  I take a moment to assess Holden’s appearance, which is usually the first sign of his mental state.  After working with him for five years, I’ve seen him at his worst and at his admittedly less than fantastic best.   One of the first appointments he had, he ranted about Korea for two hours.  He still had his military high-and-tight at that point and a righteous fury for the military.  I think that was the one time I’ve heard him describe something without using the word ‘phony.’  He described the army instead as hell on Earth.  And now he has to go back.  No wonder he looks like he’s having a mental breakdown.

                Holden leans back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.  It is long, very long, the top layer of dark curls covering up the gray hairs that make him look like an old man and not a man in his twenties.

                “How come I have to go back there, Doc?  I paid my dues.  I did my goddam time.  I saw a buncha my buddies blown up and gunned down and I thought I was away from that hell but now I have to go back.  Why?  Tell me why!”  Holden’s anguish is palpable.

                “I can’t tell you why, Holden.  I don’t know why.”  He eyes me angrily.

                “Get me out of the draft.”  His voice is quiet, but there is a rage behind it.  I shake my head and Holden’s eyes tear up.

                “Then what good are you?  You’re a doctor, and you can’t do a goddam thing.  Write me a letter, put me on meds, say my eyesight’s bad, I don’t goddamn care.  Just get me out of the draft.   I can’t go back there.  I can’t.  I won’t make it.  And then I can’t be little Allie’s goddamn godfather, and I can’t read anymore of D.B.’s books.  I won’t make it, Doc.  You have to get me out.”  Holden is crying.  He wipes the mucus and tears off of his face with one swipe of his sleeve.  I open my mouth to answer, but then I shut it.  I can’t forge any papers for Holden.  I could be imprisoned.

                “Please, Doc.  Please.  You have to help me.”  Holden stands and leans on my desk, his body all angles and points, the legs too long for the torso and the arms too long for his sleeves.  I stare at his bony wrists instead of looking at him.

                “I am going to goddam die.  Aren’t you supposed to help people who are about to die?  Isn’t that the point of doctors?”  Holden grabs my wrists, pulls me to my feet, forcing me to look at him.

                “Let go of me.” I say.  Holden drops my wrists like I am made of burning coals.

                “It’s been nice knowing ya, Doc.  Truly.  You’re an okay dame.  Real goddam smart.  But I ask you for one favor, one thing to save my life, and you say no.  I am not going back to war.  If you can’t help me, I will find a way to get out of it myself.  I can’t go back, Doc.  I still hear the screaming in my sleep.  I still hear the bullets whizzing past my goddam head.  I can still see my buddies on the ground covered in blood when I close my eyes, choking on their own tongues as they die in front of me.  And I mean, you won’t help me from going back to that?  You’re a goddam crook.  And I’m done coming here.  So thanks for nothing, Doc.”  Holden shoves his hat back onto his head, so violently that I hear the fabric rip a little.  Holden jumps at the sound, and his eyes tear up again.

                “Holden, just sit!  Talk about this before you do something rash!” I call after him as he races to the door.  He slams it in my face before I finish my sentence.  I call down to reception but I am too late.  Holden is gone.

Two weeks later…

                “Phoebe, hello.  Thank you for calling.  Yes, someone has informed me; I’m so sorry for your loss.  No, Holden did not tell me of his intentions the last appointment we had.  Yes, I had heard that Holden was drafted again.  No, I can’t let you see my notes; I’m sorry - Doctor-patient confidentiality.  Yes, the confidentiality still carries post-mortem.  No, I did not know that Holden still had his gun from Korea.  I don’t think I could attend the funeral, but thank you for asking, Phoebe.  Oh, and congratulations.  Holden told me about your son.”

*********************

So this is the closest I will ever get to fan fiction... It was for my English Class, as our culminating Catcher In the Rye project.

I don't know what else to say besides sorry.

Or you're welcome; I'm kind of proud of this.

I'm not proud of killing off one of literature's most beloved assholes, but I am proud of the writing.

So yeah.

Here is a thing that I did.

Enjoy.

Love and kisses,

Jennelle

BRITISH ACCENTS!!!

Continuing with 'Oh look I'm on a collab channel now" here is Izzy's video.

Like Lex, she is amazingly charming.

And she has a British accent.

A BRITISH ACCENT YOU GUYS.

I'm going to look so uncharming next to the others.

So, without further ado, Izzy.

I'll post Allyson's tomorrow.

Love and kisses, fooligans!

Jen

Internet Friends

If you read this blog, there is a good chance that I think of you as one of my 'Internet Friends'.  Now, there is a certain stigma that comes along with 'Internet Friends', or at least, to me there seems to be.

The way I see it is that when you meet someone in, as it is colloquially known, 'real life', (personally, I think this is stupid, because the way I present myself on the Internet and the way I act in 'real life' are one and the same.  So rest assured, if you actually do meet me, I act exactly the same as I write.  Though maybe I do talk a little less.  But that could be because it won't be a one sided conversation!) the chances of you finding out that the pair of you have a lot of things in common early on is possible, but not particularly high.  It usually takes a long while to figure out that you have things in common with all of the people that you hang around with.

But on the Internet it's different.  The chances of you having a lot of things in common with people that you meet on the Internet is, in my opinion, a lot higher.  Because when you make friends on the internet, you usually find them through something that you already like, so you already have one thing in common.  And that usually leads to more things.

I pride myself in being able to talk about a lot of subjects with different people.  It's a skill that I've tried to develop, since I used to be a bit awkward in conversation at times.  I still am, I suppose.  But I've been working on it for a few years, just trying to get to the point where I'm not an awkward duck.  I try not to, but one of the problems with being introverted is that you sometimes feel awkward in conversation.  But the thing with all of you, my lovely Internet friends, is that I already feel comfortable around you, because I know that we will have something to talk about.  And that is really cool.

I'm the only one of my friends with true 'Internet Friends' and sometimes I feel like they don't get that I can be friends with people who are so far away from me.  But that is the awesome thing about the Internet, isn't it?  I can be friends with any of you, no matter how far away from me you actually are.  Most of the time the basis of friendships in life is proximity.  And with the Internet, that is no longer an issue.  I can truthfully say that I love having you guys as my friends.

Aww, so sappy sentimental.  I was feeling it, I was feeling it.

Anyways.  12 days left of school.  Wish me luck and pray that I don't go insane.

Love and kisses,

Jen

APRIL 30: HOLY PANTS, AMIGOS, I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!

GUYSSSS!!!!!!  OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS!!!!!

DUDES I ACTUALLY FINISHED SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!  I DON'T THINK THAT ANY OF YOU CAN FULLY APPRECIATE HOW RARE AN OCCASION THIS IS!!!!!

Now, I would happy dance, but I am currently unable to do so.

I'll happy dance tomorrow.

Tonight I'm just going to get a good night's rest, and relish in the fact that I don't have to blog tomorrow.

Yay hooray and three cheers for Merry England!

Or Massachusetts.

Whatever.

I'm going to bed.

Love and kisses, fooligans.

Jen

April 29: Thoughts From Places - My Bedroom

Yeah, not really an inspired title, is it?

And I know that this post is technically being posted on April 30, but it is midnight, which I don't call Monday.  I call it Time To Do Homework Time.

This is going to be brief, as I have post lab questions to do for Chemistry.

Here are my thoughts.

I am Jewish.  That is just something that I am.  But I am more culturally Jewish than religiously Jewish.  My religious, or rather spiritual views are more based in Eastern Religions than in the Judeo-Christian realm.  I hold the basic morality system from Judeo-Christian religions as my moral compass, like 'Thou shalt not kill' or 'Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's wife' and 'THOU SHALT NOT PASS!'

Anyone?

Anyone?

COME ON, IT'S LORD OF THE RINGS, PEOPLE!!!

Anyway, my spiritual beliefs are more rooted to Taoism and Buddhism and Hinduism than Judaism.  In my own personal set of beliefs, I think that all life forms are connected to the universal energy field, and that we can all access it.  That idea that you had that didn't seem so much to come from your brain and to come through your brain?  I believe that somewhere, someone is having that idea, but you can create it, so it comes to fruition through you.

Example: when you see something in an infomerical and their are talking about a product that you totally thought of five years ago.  I believe that your idea went through the universal energy field and came through this person into the world.

I know that this is a weird belief, but it's mine and I guess that that's all there is to it.

I believe in reincarnation of sorts, as well.  Not complete reincarnation, though.  Personally, I believe that when you die, your energy gets shattered.  Some of it returns to the universal energy field.  Some of it gets recycled and becomes something or someone new.  And some of it shatters into a million pieces and attaches itself to all of the energies of the people you love or people you have affected and becomes part of them.  That way, in some weird way, you never die.  You are remembered, and your memory can be passed on, and in some strange way, you are immortal.

I know, it's weird.  It's also 12:16, so I think I get a pass on weirdness.  I get weird late at night.

I'm weird all the time, what am I talking about?

Okay, so I hope you enjoyed my weird beliefs.  Tell me about yours; I find this stuff fascinating!

Love and kisses,

Jen

P.S. ONE DAY LEFT!!!!  CUE THE PARTY MUSIC!!!!

April 27: Philosophical Thoughts

Hey there fooligans.  Here is a video for your eyes and ears.  I apologize if it is quiet.  It's midnight.  I failed.  Boohoo.  Anyways, I forgot to say bye to you guys, because I am forgetful and it is late/early.  Very very early.

So love and kisses,

Jen

[Edit: You have to turn the volume up a bit; it was midnight and I was talking quietly so as to not wake up my mum.  Tara!]

April 25: I'm Really Tired and This Is The Best I Can Do

I'm obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Like obsessed obsessed.  I've seen every episode of both Buffy and Angel.  And I've read the comics.  Don't judge me!

On top of loving everything about this show, I also have a huge fangirl crush on Spike.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Spike.

He's hot.  He's British.  He's punk.  He's sarcastic and hilarious.  In short, he's my dream guy.  Unfortunately he doesn't have a pulse, so that could be an issue.  But other than that, he's perfect.  In fact, I've written about my love of Spike before, so click here (CLICK ME I'M A LINK) if you want to read that.  It's not all about him, but he's there.

But I love Spike.  I really do.

Here is a video.  Or two.

Teehee.

Yeah, now I'm going to go to bed.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 9: I'm Lazy and I Need To Write A Play, So Here's Some Fodder For You To Chew On

I'm lazy and I need to get back to writing.  So I'm going to cut and past and y'all are going to enjoy it.  Mkay?  Mkay.

"SCENE TWO

(The hallway outside of the support group meeting.  The stage should be separated into two sides, with the support group still in sight, but with the focus on GARRETT and VALERIE)

     GARRETT

Valerie?  Valerie, are you out here?

                        VALERIE

What the hell do you want?  Do you want to make fun of me some more?  Is that what you want?  Because you have an ‘actual’ disability and I don’t?  Is that it?  Does making me feel bad somehow ameliorate the pain you feel because you have to survive being you?

                        GARRETT

I don’t think I deserved that.

                        VALERIE

You don’t? You tear me to pieces in there and you don’t think you deserve a little retribution?

                        GARRETT

              (conceding)

Okay, I deserved it.  I came out here to apologize.

                        VALERIE

Please.  You only came out here because Ruth made you.  I could hear her.  The door wasn’t closed.                   

GARRETT

And so it is. I think you should just calm down, and let me say what I was going to say…

              (reaches out a hand to touch her arm)

                        VALERIE

              (pushes his arm away, and then shoves him)

What is your problem?  I don’t get it!  Why did you have to yell at me?  Why me, huh?

              (yelling at the end, shoves him again, hard)

                        GARRETT

              (yelling)

You want to know why?  It’s because you’re god damn so well adjusted, alright?  You’re in there like Mother-freaking-Theresa, going on about how having a panic disorder makes you unique, and how you are dealing with it, like you’re trying to win a freaking beauty pageant.  You’ve been diagnosed for how long?  I’ve had Tourette’s my whole life!  I still don’t know how to deal with it!  So when you sit there, talking about how you don’t mind having a disability, I dunno, I just snapped!

                        VALERIE

              (sarcastic)

Really? I had no idea!

                        GARRETT

So I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to… I’m jealous of you, Valerie.  You’re so okay with being disabled. I’m angry that I can’t be like you. You were just in there, all humble and shit, and I just… 

             

(it suddenly dawns on him how horrible this

“Apology” really is)

(cont.)This is a horrible apology.

                        VALERIE

              (chuckling quietly through her tears; the fight is out of her)

You’re realizing this now?  Being compared to Mother Theresa is just a tad overkill, don’t you think?

                        GARRETT

I thought that it was a great comparison!  It’s not every day your simple school girl gets compared to one of the great women of our time! Besides, it’s true.  You were sitting in there, all serenity and smiles, talking about how you don’t mind.  It can’t be true.

                       

VALERIE

It’s not true.  I’m afraid.  I’m upset.  I’m angry.  I’m just like you are, Garrett.  I just hide it better.  I’m jealous that you can get angry.  I’d trade my serenity for the chance to get angry any day.                  

                        GARRETT

              (can’t find his words, which is a rarity)

Seems like we both want what the other person has.

              (Completely sincere, maybe for the first time ever in his life)

Valerie, I’m sorry.  I am.  I just… I’m sorry. 

              (sincerity can’t last forever with this kid)

Can you accept my apology so we go back inside?  I’m allergic to emotion.  I’m going to break out in a rash soon.

                        VALERIE

Fine.  I accept your apology.  Let’s go.

                        GARRETT

              (sweeps an arm toward the door)

After you.

     (blackout)"

Yeah, I'm not even going to fix the formatting.  I'm that lazy.

Love and kisses y'all.

Jen

April 8: Happy Easter/Passover.

I have much homework to do because I am stupid and I put it off until right now, which is when I got home from my aunt's house, because hello, Easter/Passover.  So, my cousin's girlfriend is a pastry chef.  Here is a phrase to make you all jealous.

Homemade strawberry shortcake.

Now all y'all go salivate quietly to yourselves.

I have work to do, younguns.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 5: Agh, Writer's Block Is Going To Kill Me

I have writer's block.  Again.  MY SCRIPT IS DUE IN ABOUT A WEEK'S TIME!!! I AM ROYALLY FUCKED!!!!

Seriously, I am begging everyone.  Shout random ideas at me.  Throw them at me, for God's sake!  We'll see if one sticks.

So yeah.  That is basically my life right now.  Please shoot me.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 4: Again, I am exhausted and sick, so this will be fast...

...because I still have a shit ton of homework to do.

So hi.  How are you?

Can I own Flynn Rider?  Like as my personal slavey boy?

PLEASEEEE???!!!

My favorite punctuation mark is the interrobang!  Which is what happens when a question mark and an exclamation point have a baby. ?!.  But together.

Okay nighty nighty all.

Love and kisses.

Jen

April 3: Just A Quickie. But Not Like That. Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter

I only have two things to say today.  Nope, make that three things.

1. I am going to ace my algebra test tomorrow.

2. My older brother won his first home game of his final high school baseball season.  So proud, so proud.

3. Dmitri from Anastasia is my favorite Disney lead.  Not to mention probably the cartoon character I had the biggest crush on as a child.

Okay that is all.  I just had to get a post in before midnight.

3 minutes to spare.  WHAT UP!!

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 2: You Can Pick Your Nose...

*Here is a monologue that I wrote for Acting Class*

Every one's family is a little crazy.  That's the deal with families.  No matter what you do, they will always be there to drag you right back into their nut job world.

My family is your standard family.  Mum, dad, two brothers, me.  But then you add in the fact that my little brother spent a majority of his younger years pretending to be a cat, and now spends most of his time trying to create homemade rocket fuel.  He is going to blow up my house one day.  And throw in the fact that my older brother rarely eats carbohydrates because he is afraid of his body fat rising over a certain point, and how he tries to get rid of chocolate in my house because he wants to eat it but won't.

Or how my father decides that yanking me out from underneath my nice, warm covers by my ankles whilst singing the Hebrew alphabet at the top of his lungs is an acceptable way to wake up his teenage daughter on a Saturday.

The heart attack I suffered following that awakening topped all of the heart attack I suffer from living in my house.  Honestly, it was like that movie, Taken.  I thought that I was being abducted, and that I was going to die at the hands of some psychopathic Jewish school teacher. (I can say that, I'm Jewish.  Besides this is my crazy brain we're talking about here.)

But alas, no.  Just my dad being absolutely barking mad, as usual.  Then Joshua came in and jumped on my bed, and joined in the singing.  He sat on my stomach.  It hurt.  My mum and Jake were laughing their heads off.  At my pain.  What gives?

That's family for you.  You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can' t pick your family.

Even if I could, I'd pick them.

My Inner Monologue Seems to Want to Be Its Own Entity

I have a strange issue that I am going to share with you all today.  It isn't unlike all of the other strange things I've told you guys before.  Ready?  Let's-a go.

I can't keep my inner monologue inner.  I think things and then they just end up coming out of my mouth.  I try to keep them inside but my cheeks and tongue and vocal chords work against me.  I bet everyone in my school thinks that I am an annoying cow who can't keep her gob shut.   And they would be right.  Except for the cow bit.  I'm not a cow.

And it's especially bad because my inner monologue speaks in a British accent, because 1. British accents and 2. Having a British person yelling at you to get off of Tumblr and do you chemistry homework is way more fun than having your regular voice tell you to do the above action.

I have no life.

So I've decided to do BEDA, because why not?  I have so much homework, and so much other stuff to do, the least I could do for myself is give myself a distraction from said activities which I can reconcile in my brain as something that is important.  So here is my condoned distraction.  Tumblr, however, does not get that treatment.  There will be no Tumblr.  Do you hear that brain? DO YOU?! I DON'T THINK YOU DO!  NO GOD DAMN TUMBLR UNTIL ALL OF YOUR SHIT IS TOGETHER!!!

Okay, I'm done yelling and swearing.  There will be no more of that.

But here is my first BEDA post.  Really, BEDA is just another test I'm giving myself to prove to myself that I can finish things and that not finishing things is not a defining characteristic of mine.  So there, inner monologue! Chew on that for a bit!

*far away, deep within the -quite honestly- disturbing and scary recesses of my mind* I WILL, GOD DAMN YOU!

Hey, I said I was finished yelling and swearing.  I never vouched for the crazy posh Englishman living in my head.

Toodleloo and tararara!

Happy April Fools'!

Love and kisses,

Jen

HEYO WHAT IS THIS!!!!

Being the kind of kid who doesn't really like doing homework at normal times, it is 9:30 on Sunday and I've not done a drop.  Hoo-freaking-ray.  Anyfloozle, I thought I'd share a milestone with all y'all.

*drum roll please*

.........

I HAVE FIFTY FOLLOWERS!!!!

WHAT UP YO!!!

My blog's first birthday is around the corner and I have fifty followers.  If I've accomplished anything this year, I'd say this was pretty good.  So thank you to everyone who reads this twaddle and thanks to all of my bloggy-type mates.  I luff you all to pieces.

God, I'm sentimental.

Thank you oh so very much.  It means more than you think it does to have people who will read this and say 'Hey that wasn't too bad.'  I fully expect all of you to buy my book if it ever gets published.  I'm watching you *glares at you over the internet*

Just kidding (NOT REALLY MUAHAHAHA)

God.  I love you all and stuff.  Put caramel on top of this love sundae and I'm omnomnom it on down.

Okay, I'm done wittering on about absolutely nothing.

FIN.

Parting Joke:

My grandmother is a Cancer, which is ironic because she was actually killed by a giant crab.

Geddit?

Love and kisses,

Jen

Yeah... I'm Kind of Crap At This Whole 'Blogging' Thing

So I apologize to anyone who reads my blog, because it has been a week and a half, almost a fortnight, and I haven't posted a thing.  So.  Here is me, apologizing.  To make up for it I will post adorable pictures of seals, and maybe a picture of me.  O.O

Here is me, being sad.  But instead of me, you have a sad seal.  A very sad, adorable seal who is very very sorry for not posting.

Here is me, happy that maybe some of you will care.  Happy seal is happy.  How can you say no to a face like that.  Oh my god, I just want to snorgle it and love it forever and ever.
Yeah, I said snorgle.  Deal with it.
Many things have happened in the week and a half that I didn't talk to all y'all.
Not really, I just wanted to type that sentence.  Don't judge me.
I am on vacation now, so, I have time to lounge around and do nothing.  Which is false, because right now I am in the midst of planning a novel.  I love how inspiration for a novel doesn't come during November.  I could have won NaNoWriMo.  But noooo, my brain has to get creative four months after.
Truth be told, I am really okay with this.  I really like the idea I have right now and I want to make it the best that I can.  I am actually combining my new idea with an idea that I had years ago.  So long ago that the character names are written on my desk.  But I'm not stealing the characters.  Just the idea.  The characters weren't fleshed out.  The idea was pretty good though.

Here is another picture. I feel obligated to post them to keep you guys reading, since I'm being a boring old fart today.
Everytime I look at that photo, I die laughing.  This is me, as a ghost, typing to you.  I want to write more, but nothing interesting has happened to me as of late, but that could change.  Keep in touch ya crazy kids.
One more picture, for good measure.

Get it? Moustache, must dash?

I fail.

Anyfloozle, I love all of you to bits and pieces, which I will then consume to get closer to your love.  Anomanomanomanom.

Love and kisses,

L.

EEEK YOU GUYS I AM SO EXCITED I FORGOT HOW TO UNDO THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON!!!

But no worries, I fixed it.

I am sooper dooper excited y'all.  I'm so pumped.  Like stoq'd!

It's ridicky donkey.

I had opening night of my play tonight!  It went amazingly.  Honestly.  I've never been prouder of my
drama club. We did so well.  It was fantasticisimus!

The play is Anything Goes, and if I do say so myself, we do an amazing-tastic job at being these characters.  I play a drunk French person.  That is literally my role.  I am drunk, and I am French.  My mom thought that I was hilarious, which means a lot coming from her.  I mean, she's my mom.  I like it when she is proud of me.  I have so much nervous energy right now.  It is ridiculous. 

Honestly.
I couldn't love my cast and crew more.  After hanging out with them nearly every day for four months, you can't help but being a big family. It just happens naturally.  I love each and every one of them and they all know it because I hug every single one of them.  Every single day.

SO MUCH ENERGY!!!

Oh, and I'm feeling much better, for those of you who care.  I still have a cough, but hey, everyone is coughing. I am not coughing in solidarity.  I am coughing in a coughing barbershop quartet.  I cough alto.  I took that way too far.

I'll report back soon about everything else that happens.  It'll be a blast.

OH, one funny awkward story to tell.  So you know that guy that I moaned about a few posts ago?  Well, I was talking to him today before the show (he's in crew) and I was laughing and walking away after making a joke at his expense (the only way to make jokes) and I had one of the costume ladies tell me explicitly, while laughing "He's much too young for you."

I nearly died of embarassment.  I had to go hide in the dressing room and laugh quietly to myself for a while.

I have to go to sleep because it is midnight and I still have school tomorrow.  So I love you all and I'll talk to all y'all soon!

I am too tired to tell a joke, but I promise I have a good one lined up.

Love and kisses,

L.

Just Call Me Myrtle, Because I Am About To Moan...

Clever title, right? I'm full of hilariosity.  Honestly, I don't know how I live with myself.

But today isn't going to be all sunshine and roses and me being hilarious and bringing humor into your lives like a humor-bringing thing.
No. Today I'm going to moan.
If you don't like moaning, the exit is, quite literally, the X at the right or left of your screen, depending on the brand of computer you have.

Ready? Are they gone?

....

Good. If they are gone, I don't love them nearly as much as I love you all.  Honestly. I love you all much more than them.  Muchos kisses mi smallus amigos. (And I say that I'm in Spanish 3. What a laugh and a half.)

So let me tell you my story.

I have this issue where I was all high and mighty and didn't like anyone 'like that' for I want to say four years, which coming from a teenage girl, is like saying I've been a virgin lesbian monk for 79 years and that I have a beard and a moustache and I live in a cave in the Himalayas.

....

Obviously none of that is true, besides the bit about me not liking anyone for four years. But that is what I'm trying to get at. I haven't liked anyone for four years, which is nuts. My friends liked guys and fell out of like with guys and I was like their proverbial rock in the storm. They clung to my apparent freakish non-normal self because I had a clear head. That is clearly a lie, but I apparently offered the best advice on relationships, which is hilarious and ironic because I've never been in one. A relationship that is. Saying that I was going out with a guy for fifteen minutes in the sixth grade doesn't count.

Anyfloozle, this year I met a guy. Shocking beginning to the tale, I know. Like I said, I'm not a lesbian monk. But I met a guy. And he is really, really cool. And I guess it is a good thing he doesn't know that I have a blog, because then he would find this and he would know it was about him. And he would get a big inflated head and that is the last thing that I would want to happen. It's already inflated enough. But that's one of the reasons I like him, odd as that may sound.

I met him talking at a marching band parade. The first conversation we ever had we talked about how me and my friend Elliese have penis envy and we want to have one for one day only for the sole purpose of writing our names in the snow. This, ladies and germs, is what me and my friends think about. But he was funny. And we got to talking more. And, the blossom of LUUUURRRVVVE began to grow.

But then, the pruning sheers of horrible comments appeared. He said that he was like my brother. And I was all 'Suuuurrrreee!' and I said it with that horrible fake smile that feels like it has been plastered onto your face.

Then the flirting started. And there was a lot of it. I knew he was flirting with a lot of other girls, but me being vair vair pathetico, I thought I was different. So I kind of told him that I liked him. And then things left the Valley of the Casually Okay and entered the Mountains of the Majestically Awkward. We didn't talk for about a week and a half. Which, for those of you who don't know, is about seven years in teenage girl time.

So I wrote him a note like the romance novel heroine that I am and now we're friends again. But he's trying not to flirt with people anymore. Which sucks because I love hugging people. (I love hugging people. I love hugs. I will literally hug anyone. I don't care if I haven't known you that long, I will hug you.) And in trying not to flirt with people he's moaning to me about it.

And now I'm moaning to you. It's like the big circle of MOAN.

Or a pyramid of moan, since you can't moan to him about me moaning about him. Or if you can, please don't!

....

Wait, I didn't tell you his name, and as far as I know, none of you know him, so I'm in the free and clear!

Woopdedoo and PANTS!

Okay, moaning/storytime over. I just used all of you like a diary.  Keep these secrets I have told you until you are cold and in the grave. And like Andrew Marvill said, you can't date in the grave. Or, well, Marvill didn't say that. He implied it though. I had my English midterm today - can you tell?

I feel like I've wittered on enough, like a wittering thing meant to witter away.  I'll let you get back to your lives. They are probably much more interesting than mine.

Parting joke:

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first guy says to the bartender "Hey, I'll have some H2O!" The second guy goes "That sounds good. I'll have some H2O2."
The second guy died.

Love and kisses,
Jen

Happy New Year, Fooligans! Sorry About the Absence; I Was Dancing With Lemurs In Madagascar

I wasn't really dancing with lemurs in Madagascar.  I was just being a lazy thing that is very lazy and not communicating with all y'all!  But have no fear, I am back in this new year and I am funnier than ever!

Well.  The funnier than ever comment might be subjective, because of course I think that I'm hilarious, being a narcissistic non-midget with an ego bigger than the entirety of Canada.  The rest of you might just find me a sad example on what happens to people when they spend too much time playing Words With Friends and not enough time interacting with leaving, breathing human beans.  For all I know, some of you might be aliens who find me an interesting specimen of the human race.  If so, I have one request of you aliens - don't stick the probe up my bum.  For the love of all that is holy.

So how goes it, my minions?  It's been, what? A month?  I apologize that I took so long off.  Though I know people who have taken longer leaves of absence.  But I can't leave you all alone, you sexy, sexy things.


Well, a new year is upon us, y'all.  Crazy, I know.  The earth didn't blow up.  The skies didn't fall.  I somehow managed to not gain twenty pounds eating cookies over break.  The Mayans have to be wrong.


So does anyone have any New Year's Resolutions?  I have 17, because A. I'm a huge over achiever and B. It's my 17th year on the planet, I might as well try to keep up 17 things for an entire year and see what happens.  Normally I can't finish anything.  I can never see anything through to completion, ever. It is a really bad habit, and I know everyone has their bad habits, but mine seem to be really bad for me as a human.  They might not be bad for you - maybe you'd benefit from taking up some of my bad habits - but on the whole, I need to change.  Why not change now, when everyone else is changing?  I realize that instituting a huge change in my life right after New Year's is cliche, but I can be cliche as I want to.


One of my resolutions is to write more, and to facilitate that, I am going to be doing BOW '12.  Where I blog once a week in 2012.  I realize that I missed the first week of 2012, but I will make up for that by posting twice this week.  Also, I was sick, so I get a pass.  Hey, it's my challenge, I can do whatever I want.  Don't look at me with those judging eyes you judger!


Well, I'm going to make like a shepard and flock off.


*drumroll*
The first Parting Joke of the Year.

Parting Joke:
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
A barber!

Love & Kisses,
Jen

In Which Jennelle Apologizes To The Three People Who Actually Read Her Blog.

So to you three, I thank you.
A lot has happened in the week+ that I haven't been around.

I've done this:
1. Got sick
2. Got well
3. Failed a History exam
4. Had to sit through a horrendous football game where Georgetown High School was creamed 24-7
5. Was horrendously cold at said football game
6. Watched my band director (mentioned before here and here and here, if not in excess, very briefly) groom my little brother into becoming a conductor.  Everyone in the band agrees that I do, in fact, have the coolest younger brother ever.
7. Got sick again
8. Ate a lot of food at Thanksgiving
9. Ate a shit ton of bread.  My cousin's girlfriend is in school to be a pastry chef type person, and she baked a billion loaves of bread and two cakes and a pie.  It's like she wants us all to be fat lards who have to roll everywhere.  But I still ate all of it.  Yum yum yum!
10. Worked on my articles for the Thought Report!  See, Lewis, I promise I'm doing them!

So yeah, that's what I've been doing.

What have you been up to, fooligans?

I'll give you a parting joke next week when I'm well enough to find one.

Love and kisses,

L.