Quote of the Week

Take a shower, shine your shoes/ You got no time to lose/ You are young men you must be living/ So go now you are forgiven.
-The General, Dispatch
Showing posts with label explanations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label explanations. Show all posts

Friday, May 18, 2012

Yeah, You All Have Permission To Throw Tomatoes At Me

So you know how in my last post I said I was going to do a writing schedule?

Um...

Ha...

So that didn't last long did it?

Well, to be fair, my dad did take away my laptop yesterday, so that wasn't entirely my fault.

How's about we call it even and I pull a Vlogbrothers' schedule?  Tuesdays and Fridays?  Either way, none of y'all are going to complain, right?

Awesome.

This weekend is going to be crazy.  We're having 35 people over, and my house isn't exactly what you'd call big.  I guess this is what happens when you graduate from high school.

Anyways, I'm exhausted.  I've woken up at 4 in the morning every day this week.  I'm drained.

Love and kisses,

Jen

P.S. You all have permission to berate me for being a hypocrite.  A hungry hungry hypocrite.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

April 24: The Things I Like About Myself

A few days ago I treated you guys to a list of the reasons why I am a pathetic sobbing mess who never does... Wait... That isn't right, is it?  The list I showed you guys was the list about the things that I don't like about myself.  My insecurities.  Well, now that that sob story is over, I decided that I would list some of the things that I like about myself.  Not only as something to write for BEDA, but also to remind myself that despite it all, I have managed to not suck as a human being for the past seventeen years I've been on this earth.

So, let's-a-go!

Jennelle's List Of Things About Her That Don't Suck
1. My eyebrows.  I have been blessed by the eyebrow gods, fooligans.  I have to do the bare minimum on my eyebrows to make them look decent, e.g. plucking the middle so I don't get a unibrow.  But other than that, I have perfect eyebrows.  Not to brag, or anything. *cough*

2.  My taste in music.  Yeah, I know, I sound like a smug, pretentious hipster, but I really am proud of the music that I listen to.  I will listen to almost anything, barring country and gangsta rap.  But barring those two genres, I will listen to anything.  And I am proud of that.

3.  My writing ability.  I have been writing and telling stories and developing my writing 'voice' since I could write.  So basically for the last fourteen years of my life.  I'm proud of that fact and I'm proud of myself for never giving up on my ability to write.

4.  My ability to procure results under pressure due to procrastination.  Self explanatory.  I get my shit done, yo.

5.  My sense of humor.  It's sarcastic and self-deprecating and witty and I love the fact that I can make people laugh.

6.  My ability to recall things very easily.  I have amazing recall for random bits of trivia, quotes, and plots of books or movies.  I really enjoy that.  It's like really bad photographic memory.

7.  My friends.  Though technically not a part of me, I would not be who I was without them, so I don't care.  For all I know, they really are a part of me.  I've known them all long enough to have been fused to them at the hip.

So there you have it.  7 things about me that don't suck.  Sorry if this sounds braggy; it's very hard to come up with things to say for thirty days straight.

I need to go sleep.  I don't do that enough.

Love and kisses,

Jen

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Yeah... I'm Kind of Crap At This Whole 'Blogging' Thing

So I apologize to anyone who reads my blog, because it has been a week and a half, almost a fortnight, and I haven't posted a thing.  So.  Here is me, apologizing.  To make up for it I will post adorable pictures of seals, and maybe a picture of me.  O.O
Here is me, being sad.  But instead of me, you have a sad seal.  A very sad, adorable seal who is very very sorry for not posting.
Here is me, happy that maybe some of you will care.  Happy seal is happy.  How can you say no to a face like that.  Oh my god, I just want to snorgle it and love it forever and ever.
Yeah, I said snorgle.  Deal with it.
Many things have happened in the week and a half that I didn't talk to all y'all.
Not really, I just wanted to type that sentence.  Don't judge me.
I am on vacation now, so, I have time to lounge around and do nothing.  Which is false, because right now I am in the midst of planning a novel.  I love how inspiration for a novel doesn't come during November.  I could have won NaNoWriMo.  But noooo, my brain has to get creative four months after.
Truth be told, I am really okay with this.  I really like the idea I have right now and I want to make it the best that I can.  I am actually combining my new idea with an idea that I had years ago.  So long ago that the character names are written on my desk.  But I'm not stealing the characters.  Just the idea.  The characters weren't fleshed out.  The idea was pretty good though.
Here is another picture. I feel obligated to post them to keep you guys reading, since I'm being a boring old fart today.
Everytime I look at that photo, I die laughing.  This is me, as a ghost, typing to you.  I want to write more, but nothing interesting has happened to me as of late, but that could change.  Keep in touch ya crazy kids.
One more picture, for good measure.

Get it? Moustache, must dash?
I fail.
Anyfloozle, I love all of you to bits and pieces, which I will then consume to get closer to your love.  Anomanomanomanom.
Love and kisses,
L.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Just Call Me Myrtle, Because I Am About To Moan...

Clever title, right? I'm full of hilariosity.  Honestly, I don't know how I live with myself.

But today isn't going to be all sunshine and roses and me being hilarious and bringing humor into your lives like a humor-bringing thing.
No. Today I'm going to moan.
If you don't like moaning, the exit is, quite literally, the X at the right or left of your screen, depending on the brand of computer you have.

Ready? Are they gone?

....

Good. If they are gone, I don't love them nearly as much as I love you all.  Honestly. I love you all much more than them.  Muchos kisses mi smallus amigos. (And I say that I'm in Spanish 3. What a laugh and a half.)

So let me tell you my story.

I have this issue where I was all high and mighty and didn't like anyone 'like that' for I want to say four years, which coming from a teenage girl, is like saying I've been a virgin lesbian monk for 79 years and that I have a beard and a moustache and I live in a cave in the Himalayas.

....

Obviously none of that is true, besides the bit about me not liking anyone for four years. But that is what I'm trying to get at. I haven't liked anyone for four years, which is nuts. My friends liked guys and fell out of like with guys and I was like their proverbial rock in the storm. They clung to my apparent freakish non-normal self because I had a clear head. That is clearly a lie, but I apparently offered the best advice on relationships, which is hilarious and ironic because I've never been in one. A relationship that is. Saying that I was going out with a guy for fifteen minutes in the sixth grade doesn't count.

Anyfloozle, this year I met a guy. Shocking beginning to the tale, I know. Like I said, I'm not a lesbian monk. But I met a guy. And he is really, really cool. And I guess it is a good thing he doesn't know that I have a blog, because then he would find this and he would know it was about him. And he would get a big inflated head and that is the last thing that I would want to happen. It's already inflated enough. But that's one of the reasons I like him, odd as that may sound.

I met him talking at a marching band parade. The first conversation we ever had we talked about how me and my friend Elliese have penis envy and we want to have one for one day only for the sole purpose of writing our names in the snow. This, ladies and germs, is what me and my friends think about. But he was funny. And we got to talking more. And, the blossom of LUUUURRRVVVE began to grow.

But then, the pruning sheers of horrible comments appeared. He said that he was like my brother. And I was all 'Suuuurrrreee!' and I said it with that horrible fake smile that feels like it has been plastered onto your face.

Then the flirting started. And there was a lot of it. I knew he was flirting with a lot of other girls, but me being vair vair pathetico, I thought I was different. So I kind of told him that I liked him. And then things left the Valley of the Casually Okay and entered the Mountains of the Majestically Awkward. We didn't talk for about a week and a half. Which, for those of you who don't know, is about seven years in teenage girl time.

So I wrote him a note like the romance novel heroine that I am and now we're friends again. But he's trying not to flirt with people anymore. Which sucks because I love hugging people. (I love hugging people. I love hugs. I will literally hug anyone. I don't care if I haven't known you that long, I will hug you.) And in trying not to flirt with people he's moaning to me about it.

And now I'm moaning to you. It's like the big circle of MOAN.

Or a pyramid of moan, since you can't moan to him about me moaning about him. Or if you can, please don't!

....

Wait, I didn't tell you his name, and as far as I know, none of you know him, so I'm in the free and clear!

Woopdedoo and PANTS!

Okay, moaning/storytime over. I just used all of you like a diary.  Keep these secrets I have told you until you are cold and in the grave. And like Andrew Marvill said, you can't date in the grave. Or, well, Marvill didn't say that. He implied it though. I had my English midterm today - can you tell?

I feel like I've wittered on enough, like a wittering thing meant to witter away.  I'll let you get back to your lives. They are probably much more interesting than mine.

Parting joke:

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first guy says to the bartender "Hey, I'll have some H2O!" The second guy goes "That sounds good. I'll have some H2O2."
The second guy died.

Love and kisses,
Jen

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Happy New Year, Fooligans! Sorry About the Absence; I Was Dancing With Lemurs In Madagascar

I wasn't really dancing with lemurs in Madagascar.  I was just being a lazy thing that is very lazy and not communicating with all y'all!  But have no fear, I am back in this new year and I am funnier than ever!

Well.  The funnier than ever comment might be subjective, because of course I think that I'm hilarious, being a narcissistic non-midget with an ego bigger than the entirety of Canada.  The rest of you might just find me a sad example on what happens to people when they spend too much time playing Words With Friends and not enough time interacting with leaving, breathing human beans.  For all I know, some of you might be aliens who find me an interesting specimen of the human race.  If so, I have one request of you aliens - don't stick the probe up my bum.  For the love of all that is holy.

So how goes it, my minions?  It's been, what? A month?  I apologize that I took so long off.  Though I know people who have taken longer leaves of absence.  But I can't leave you all alone, you sexy, sexy things.


Well, a new year is upon us, y'all.  Crazy, I know.  The earth didn't blow up.  The skies didn't fall.  I somehow managed to not gain twenty pounds eating cookies over break.  The Mayans have to be wrong.


So does anyone have any New Year's Resolutions?  I have 17, because A. I'm a huge over achiever and B. It's my 17th year on the planet, I might as well try to keep up 17 things for an entire year and see what happens.  Normally I can't finish anything.  I can never see anything through to completion, ever. It is a really bad habit, and I know everyone has their bad habits, but mine seem to be really bad for me as a human.  They might not be bad for you - maybe you'd benefit from taking up some of my bad habits - but on the whole, I need to change.  Why not change now, when everyone else is changing?  I realize that instituting a huge change in my life right after New Year's is cliche, but I can be cliche as I want to.


One of my resolutions is to write more, and to facilitate that, I am going to be doing BOW '12.  Where I blog once a week in 2012.  I realize that I missed the first week of 2012, but I will make up for that by posting twice this week.  Also, I was sick, so I get a pass.  Hey, it's my challenge, I can do whatever I want.  Don't look at me with those judging eyes you judger!


Well, I'm going to make like a shepard and flock off.


*drumroll*
The first Parting Joke of the Year.

Parting Joke:
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
A barber!

Love & Kisses,
Jen

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sorry That I Haven't Posted In A While, Lovelypoos...

It's just that I've been mad busy and stuff, being a teenager and all that jazz.

I got a callback for my school play, so that's good!

I froze my butt off at a football game yesterday, and I slammed my knee into one of the drums.  I have a bruise the size of Kansas.  Quite enjoyable. Really.  I love not being able to bend my knee *SARCASM*.

Watch this.

I don't care if you don't like Doctor Who, or the Proclaimers.  You will love this video or I will find you and make you love it.  Well that sounded sufficiently rape-y, so...

You like jazz?

I digress.

Anyway, so now that I've shared that...What did I do today?  I was a cool kid.  I went to an Academic Decathlon Qualifying Test.  We didn't make it, but still.  Fun experience. 

Funny story of my awkwardness commencing.  We were exiting the theater where the orientation had been given, and I just noticed that the walls, I kid you not, were hung with chain mail drapery.  Chain mail drapery!  Do you know how amazingly wonderful and weird that is?  Very, is the answer.  If you didn't answer as such, go die in a hole.  Chain mail is freaking awesome.  Anyway, I noticed, and I had a mini freak out over how awesome it was.  I kept poking it and telling my friends Aniket and Ryan how cool it was, and how they should touch it.  Then the guy who was facilitating our test taps me on the shoulder, and said "You do know that you are being filmed, don't you?"

THERE WAS A VIDEOGRAPHER RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOORWAY WATCHING ME HAVE A ME-TYPE MOMENT WITH THE CHAIN MAIL DRAPES!!!!!

Oh, Moses and the Israelites I was SO embarrassed.  I couldn't stop giggling and my face went beet red.  (I don't get that phrase.  Beets are pink.)  My face when beet pink, then, brain.  Blushed like a blushing thing that blushes.  It was what I was meant to do.  Baby I was born this way!  Enough.

So embarrassing.

Oh, and it gets weirder!  On our way out after the test was over, I saw the same videographer!  And he smiled oh so creepily at me.  I very nearly flipped him off.  But I didn't.  Because that would have put me in the 'Not Normal' category, and that category was probably the only one that my team won.  We were all cashe, in like jeans and t-shirts.  Ryan was wearing sweat pants.  Everyone else there was wearing like matching shirts and button downs with ties and dress shoes.  Ultimate nobheads.  Seriously.  So I didn't flip off the videographer, no matter how dearly I wanted to.  I restrained.  I'm a lady.  Mostly.

So I have callbacks for the play tomorrow.  I'm excited, but at the same time kind of nervous.  First time I've ever gotten callbacks before, so this is entirely new for me.  I guess it means that my directors finally think that I'm good enough to be something other than extra number five.  Which would be awesome.  Really truly awesome.  So wish me luck, lovelypoos!

Here is a song for you all to listen to.  I want reviews in the comments.  Keep in mind, I love this song, so don't say anything mean or I will write nasty things about your cat.

Henrietta, The Fratellis

LOVE LOVE LOVE this song.  I love that whole cd.  And that band.  So, enjoy!

Parting Joke:
Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" Sharon said waving her arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah. What's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?"

Enjoy!

Best wishes!

Love and kisses,

L.