GHOST IN THE STALLS

I think I watch this video at least twice, maybe three times a week.  It never stops being funny to me.

Hope it makes you all laugh as well.

Love and kisses,

Jen

P.S. I actually kind of miss BEDA.  Never thought I'd say it, but I do.

April 15: 5 Things That None Of You Know About Me

Or at least I hope you don't know.  That would be really weird, considering I don't know any of you in real life.  But the 'me' that I project on this blog, while being 100% me, no additives, no artificial ingredients, doesn't have any of the quirks that I have.  Quirks just don't translate into the written word.  At least, not all of mine.  So here, without further ado, are 

FIVE THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME

Thing 1: I get stuck on certain phrases that no one but me uses, and that rarely make sense.

One of the phrases that I say - a lot, mind you - is 'Holy Jesus, Mother of God'.  Now, look at that phrase and tell me if it makes the least bit of sense, or even is possible.  Now try explaining that to me.  It won't do any good.  Or, for instance, I say 'that's aces' when something is good, or 'aces' instead of 'okay'.  So 'aces' in my mind means either 'okay', 'good', or 'cool', depending on the connotation.  It's not cool.  I confuse people.  I've also said the unfortunate phrase 'crap on toast' more than once in my life.  Yeah... Not a pretty picture.  But I can't and won't stop saying these phrases. So ha.  Hahahaha.

Thing 2: I am obsessed with finding the right words.

I annoy my friends because I use, according to them, 'really big words'.  Well, excuse me for having a vocabulary.  I like using "big" words.  Here is the reason: they get the job done in one word, rather than eight.  So I can say 'ameliorate' instead of 'to make better'.  Plus, words just sound cool.  The correct word for goose bumps is 'horripilation'.  I have a word of the day calendar, I go on dictionary.com every day to look at the word of the day there.  I love knowing these words because you never know when you are going to need them.

Thing 3: I love finding hacks for the human body.

Do you have sinus pressure from congestion?  Well, alternate between pushing the space just above your nose, in between your eyebrows, and the top of your mouth.  You'll rock your Vomer bone and then the liquid will drain out of your sinuses, relieving the pressure.  You're welcome.  Also, fun fact: you can tickle yourself.  Tickle the top of your mouth.  Guaranteed to be one of the weirdest sensations you've ever felt.  Also, there are pressure points that can get rid of headaches, like the one between your thumb and first finger.  If you have a headache, just probe around in that flesh area until you find a tense spot, then massage away the tension.  Your headache will dissipate as you do this.

Thing 4: I want to travel more than anything else in the world.

I find the world to be this amazing place, full of wonder.  And I won't get to see it if I don't travel.  My life's greatest wish is to see all seven continents, even Antarctica.  I want to travel to as many countries as I can, and help as many people as I can.  I have been given such a gifted life, I feel obligated to give back.  In fact, I want to choose a job that will allow me to travel and help people.  I either want to be an English As A Second Language teacher or a journalist.  But mainly, I want to help.  And I want to write. And above all, I want to see the world.  I want to point to countries on a map with my grandbabies on my lap and say "You see that country? I've been there.  And there.  And there.  And there, there, there, there, and there.  And you can go there too."

Thing 5: I have a loud, obnoxious laugh.

I don't know if any of you have imagined me laughing (if you have, I accept that you are creepy and we'll move on from that) but it isn't pretty.  I have a loud, obnoxious, annoying laugh.  Like crazy loud.  But only to a certain extent.  If I am laughing hard enough, I won't make any noise at all.  Opposites.  What?!

Okay, so now you know some things about me.  I tag everyone who reads this to do the same on their respective blogs.  Put the name of your blog in the comments so that I can read them!

And if you don't want to do it, fine.  Be the party pooper.  It's okay, we all still love you even though you're lame.

Love and kisses,

Jen

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOGGY TYPE MATES!!!

And Happy Pi Day to boot!  I picked an awesome birthday for my blog.

Thank you so much, all of you, for reading my blog, and liking it so much you want it to be a person so you could take it to Vegas and marry it most of the time.

You guys make this so much more rewarding because I know that somewhere out there in the world are people who I've never met who think I'm kind of funny.  And that is a huge freaking confidence boost.

So Happy Birthday to me, I guess.

And thanks again.  Y'all are the bee's knees!

Love and kisses,

Jen

P.S. Check out my last post, because that one was about me finally standing up for myself, and it's awesome and inspiring and all that jazz, so go check it out!

Love again,

Jen

In Which Jennelle Apologizes To The Three People Who Actually Read Her Blog.

So to you three, I thank you.
A lot has happened in the week+ that I haven't been around.

I've done this:
1. Got sick
2. Got well
3. Failed a History exam
4. Had to sit through a horrendous football game where Georgetown High School was creamed 24-7
5. Was horrendously cold at said football game
6. Watched my band director (mentioned before here and here and here, if not in excess, very briefly) groom my little brother into becoming a conductor.  Everyone in the band agrees that I do, in fact, have the coolest younger brother ever.
7. Got sick again
8. Ate a lot of food at Thanksgiving
9. Ate a shit ton of bread.  My cousin's girlfriend is in school to be a pastry chef type person, and she baked a billion loaves of bread and two cakes and a pie.  It's like she wants us all to be fat lards who have to roll everywhere.  But I still ate all of it.  Yum yum yum!
10. Worked on my articles for the Thought Report!  See, Lewis, I promise I'm doing them!

So yeah, that's what I've been doing.

What have you been up to, fooligans?

I'll give you a parting joke next week when I'm well enough to find one.

Love and kisses,

L.

Updates and Things, Awards, And A Question.

Today's episode of "I'm Barking Mad" begins with some updates.

I feel like I haven't been posting enough.  Yes?  No?  Yes?  I just feel like we haven't been connecting enough recently, and I'd love to get back in touch with all of you lovelypoos.

I am seriously thinking of calling you all lovelypoos from now until the end of forever.  If you have any qualms with this, take it up with Vince.  *points to Vince.  Vince is 6 foot 7 and has muscles the size of demon baby skulls.  He flexes his bicep menacingly*

Yeah, Vince will FUCK YOU UP! *points again to Vince.  Vince waves and continues to brush his My Little Pony's tail*

All attempts of intimidation are hereby abandoned.

Sooo, updates and things is first on today's agenda.  Where to begin?  Hmm...

Oh, funny story alert! *does the funny story salsa line polka*

So on Thursday last week, my school hosted a recital in which professional musicians donated their time and came and played for, well, just about no one.  Which was really a shame because they were all fucking brilliant.  At said recital were a few of my friends.  I sat with my band friends and we all quietly mocked our conductor as he played the clarinet.  If you've never seen someone play the clarinet, it does somewhat look like someone giving a blowjob.  And he kept swaying.  It was hilarious.

After the concert was over, we were all out in the lobby of my high school, eating the free food, because come on.  Free food.  How could I say no?  My friend Alli saw this little girl she knew from camp and the little girl was all "HI ALLI!" and Alli was all "HI AURORA!" and then the little girl looked at me and went "Alli, you have a boyfriend!"

I was mortified.  I choked on my cookie and coughed out "I'm a girl!"  The little girl looked a little more than terrified to hear a girl's voice coming out of what she thought was a dude's body.  When she walked away, me, Alli, and three of my other friends literally fell on the floor laughing.  I was literally ROFL-ing.  I wasn't LMAO-ing, because as far as I know, my ass is still present and accounted for.

But that was a very awkward time for me.  A very, very awkward moment.  It was right then that I kind of said in my brain "it is time to continue with the plan to grow my hair out."  I have been growing my hair out.  I just miss it, you know?  And whenever some says "Oh, why are you growing your hair out?  Your haircut is so cute!"  I've been saying "I just miss my hair!" when I really want to say "Since when is it your business what I do with the dead cells that are growing out of my skull?"  It isn't so, as a warning to all of you - DON'T ASK ABOUT MY HAIR!!! IT'S A TOUCHY SUBJECT AT THE CURRENT DATE!!!

In other news, I took the PSAT/NMSQT test on Saturday.  That was a lovely way to kill three hours of my life.  I think the thing that amused me most was that I was in the same classroom as last year when I took it, and the same schedule was written on the whiteboard next to me, word for word, both years.  I was a little taken aback.  It was kind of bizarre. 

So those are my updates.

The next item on our agenda is awards.

The lovely Gabi from Crazy Socks and Ninja Bunnies gave me an award.

Lovelypoos!  I got an award!

It's the Liebster Award, and basically I just have to say seven things about myself.

Let's-a-go, Mario!

1. I have an unnatural fascination with all things random.  How tall can trees grow before they can physically grow no higher, because water cannot be transported any higher? 138 meters.  Why did pirates wear eye patches?  So that when they went into a dark place they already had an eye that was adjusted to the dark. Want more?  Just ask.

2.  I really want to possess a raspberry beret so that I can walk around with a ghetto blaster playing Raspberry Beret.  This is what goes on in my mind.

3.  Me and my friend Jacquie desperately want to find a place called Valid and dress up as invalids so we can in invalid invalids in Valid.  Again, what goes on in my mind.

4.  I love reading Science Daily.  It is a guilty pleasure.  And I tell my mother I don't want to be a doctor.  Well, I do want to be a doctor.  Doctor Who!

5.  This is the best knock knock joke I've ever heard.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doctor!
Doctor Who?

Correct!

You're welcome, lovelypoos.

6.  Whenever I meet someone new, I make subtle jokes to things that I'm really interested in to see if they will get the reference.  If they do, then I get all happy and I'm sure that we'll be friends.  If not, they just think I'm weird, and that I'm okay with.

7.  I have a huge fascination with cooking.  Like, I really love cooking.  I have a whole notebook dedicated to recipes.  I love baking more than life.  I love eating more than life.

I'm not going to tag anyone right now, because I do have other things to do, but I will.  Eventually.  I'm just going to procrastinate a bit.

And now to the third article on our agenda.  The question.

NO, not THAT question.  The answer is 42, by the way, if you were wondering.

The question that I'm going to ask is this:

If I were to potentially post some of the story that I'm working on onto this blog, would you guys

A) enjoy that

B) hate it

C) be indifferent, but probably not read (not that my views are super high to begin with, I get on average 5 a post)

D) What is this?  Where am I?  WHAT IS GOING ON?

Let me know, the four of you that read this.

I do want to please someone.

NOT LIKE THAT, PERV-O!

Parting joke:

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Umm, Genocide?

RIGHT ANSWER!

Love and kisses,

L.

THE LEGS AND THE NOSE HAVE GONE!!! WHAT NO!!!!!!!!

For those of you who don't watch Doctor Who, be forewarned.  This whole post is about Doctor Who. It really is.  So either suck it up and read or don't read this post.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Alright, so I'm like the biggest Doctor Who fan ever, right?  And my friend's never seen it, yeah?  So tonight of all nights I decided to watch it with her because I was hanging out and I really wanted her to see it.

What I didn't know is that tonight was the episode where two of my favorite companions left.  THEY LEFT THE SHOW YOU GUYS!!!!!! I'VE BEEN ABANDONED!!!!!!!

Rory and Amy Williams.  The nose and the legs.  I am going to cry.

So, funny story.  On my first blog, which you can find here if you want to read some family friendly ramblings of a thirteen year old, on the second post, which you can find here, I talk about Doctor Who.  I have been a Whovian for a long time.  Three years.  Whatever, it felt like a long time to me!!!

Anyway, tonight's episode.  Did not get that Rory and Amy were leaving until they were leaving and I was sitting on my friend's couch crying because I didn't know what to do with myself.  Honestly. 

Words I texted to a friend, while crying: RORY AND AMY ARE GONE AND MY HEART IS BREAKING AND I'M GOING TO CRY MY EYES OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once I knew it was coming, once I figured it out, I think it was worse.  Because then I was sitting on a couch with someone who's never seen the show before, trying to explain why having Amy say goodbye to the Doctor wasn't just a regular occurence, and that Rory and Amy were never going to be companions again and that I was going to have a good cry for a minute, if that was OK (it was; I love my friend Jacquie).

I had an inkling, earlier in the show, when Rory said "spent time" as in "past tense" as in "no longer are spending time" and then I kind of stored that information away in the folder of my brain where I emotionally deal with things LATER not at the present.

This is going to hit me so hard tomorrow.  It is going to be really bad for a few days.  Really really bad.  Almost as bad as when David Tennant left.  I bawled my eyes out in the kitchen when he regenerated.  "I don't want to go".  I didn't want him to go.  And I don't want Rory and Amy to go.  THE NOSE AND THE LEGS CAN'T LEAVE!!!!! MOFFAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!  Stephen Moffat, while I respect you with all of my heart, I will never forgive you for letting Amy and Rory go.  Seriously!!!@!#U217407oryeoriywqro324.  Sorry.  That just needed to come out.  Arthur, Matt and Karen had the best chemistry as actors together.  Really, it was just dead brilliant.  You could tell that they genuinely enjoyed working together, and that they were genuine friends, it wasn't faked for the camera.  They seemed like going out to the pub after work friends, not see you tomorrow work friends.  Ohmygod I'm so upset.

I'm sorry that I'm unloading all of my emotional trauma onto you guys.  I love you forever if you are still reading.  And before you all laugh at me for being emotionally attached to a show, I have an explanation.

Doctor Who allows me to believe that there is something beautiful and wonderful out there.  And even though I will never get to experience it, or be there, I still believe that it is wonderful.  I believe (not really I'm not mental)that there is a mad man with a box out there and he is saving the universe.  And I think that having that belief helps me cope when I have an existential crisis of identity.  I like believing that there is a British-accented, 900+ year old Time Lord out there who takes people away with him and they get to see extraordinary things.  I like believing that.  I don't know.  It helps when the stars seem so infinite, and I seem so small.

I will always love the Doctor.  Always.

I'm crying again, you guys, this isn't fun.

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!

Love and kisses,

L.

I Just Got Challenged

Alright That Blond Guy, I have what it takes.

Disclaimer: I don't do surveys. Like ever. Not even those stupid ones in magazines that tell you whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you. Or if you have ovarian cancer. Or if aliens implanted a tracking device under your armpit shaped like a penis.

I just don't do them.

So here goes.

Name?

L.

Is your name on Blogger your name in real life? If not, what letter does your real name start with?

Well, for starters, the letter L. isn't exactly a name, and anyone who thought so is a dumbshit. So no, my Blogger name is not my name in real life. Duh. I've said my name before. It's Jennelle. Impossible to spell, which just makes me awesome.

Astrological Sign?

Your mom. Well, no not really. Unless your mom is a giant scorpion. If she is, I feel for you. If she isn't, then my astrological sign is Scorpio.

If there was a huge "Blogspot-Get-Together" where all bloggers were meant to come together and meet in real life, would you go?

Um, I think so? I don't know how to answer this question. Well, yes. Yes I would. I would want to intimidate you all into submission and build a civilization upon your backbreaking labour, and then rule it with an iron fist while laughing maniacally. And if the way to achieving that is coming out of my room and into the world like a baby exiting upstage the uterus, then sure. Plus, I think it would be cool to meet all y'all in person.

Have you ever rejected someone?
No. I'm too desperate to reject anyone. Besides. No one asked.

If so, was it harshly?

No. Because I've never rejected anyone. God, this isn't applicable to me!!!! Why didn't the question before say, 'If yes, proceed to the next question. If no, skip down a few and save valuable minutes of your life. And then go spend those minutes eating chocolate ice cream until you puke a cow.' Wasted minutes of my life. Damn.

Did they cry?

I'm not even stooping low enough to answer that.

Have you ever tried a cigarette?

Well, here's the story. My mom and dad used to smoke when I was really little. They quit when I was about two. And now, my mother has told me on many an occasion that if she ever catches me with a cigarette, she will break my fingers. I rather like my fingers the way they are, and I hate tempting fate, because I know that Fate hates me, and likes to see me fall on my ass. Besides, cigarette smoke makes me cough.

Have you ever been high? If so, on what?

No. And I don't really plan on it. I think that I'm whacked out enough when I'm not on drugs, so I really don't need the added influence of something designed to make you freaky-deaky wackadoo. Besides, I always say: For happy people, life's a drug. No I don't always say that, but yes, I claim that as a bonafide, one hundred percent kosher Jennelle quote. Straight from my mouth to the hearts of many.

What are six things you find attractive when in the opposite gender?

Hmmmmm

Aleph.) A penis (you said the opposite gender!) (P.S. That Blond Guy, do I get two cookies if I fit penis in twice?)

Bet.) Taller than I am. This isn't something I find attractive. This is a necessity. If a guy is any shorter than me that means that this guy is a legal midget. I'm 5'1''. In layman's terms, I AM REALLY FREAKING SHORT!

Gimel.) A sense of humor. Any funny guy is hot in my book. Unless they're ugly.

Daled.) Muscles. I know that that is so shallow and you should love someone about what is on the inside, but it doesn't hurt if they have a nice outside too!

Hei.) Dark hair and blue eyes. I don't know why, but I find this combo super, uber-attractive. I love blue eyes. I want blue eyes. Alas, I have hazel. Which are cool too. But they aren't blue.

Vav.) A guy has to be well read. If I can talk to a guy about Bulgakov's Heart of a Dog or Sartre's Nausea, my life would be made.

Zayin.) I'm adding a seventh because this is a necessity. I have to rebel against the system. Read the following joke. If you laughed, you are my love. "Two atoms were walking down the street when one of them stops and goes 'Damnit, I dropped an electron!' The other one says 'Are you sure?' And the first one says 'I'm positive!'"

What are five things you find extremely unattractive in the opposite gender?

Uno.) Being a tool. I know far too many tools. They make me angry. Or being racist. I can't stand racists.

Dos.) I know that this sounds horrible, but speech impediments turn me off. I can't imagine getting hot and heavy with a guy and him saying 'I want to be inthide you.'

Tres.) Idiocy. If you aren't smart enough to keep up with me, don't even try.

Cuatro.) Bodily odors. The bad kind. If a guy sweats and smells like roses, that's okay. But I don't happen to know any guys who sweat rose oil.

Cinco.) Guys who are abusive. That is just evil, and I don't even believe in Hell but I know that is where they are going.

Answer only if you have a sibling: If your sibling wasn't your sibling, do you think that you'd ever find him/her attractive and go out with him/her?

Oh yeah, totally! I am so joking - this crossing so many boundaries that just shouldn't be crossed. That is insect. I mean incest. Gross to the power of ten to the one hundredth.

Would you ever eat a caterpillar?

I already have? I was little. It was kind of squishy, but not that bad.

If yes, why?

I ALREADY ATE ONE, DAMNIT!!!!

If no, why?

Well, it's too late to go back and un-eat a caterpillar. So shut face, survey.

Would you rather kiss a random stranger on the street of the opposite gender or tickle a random stranger on the street of the opposite gender?

Would I get to choose? Because if it's a hobo, then I'd kiss him, just to make his day. If it's hot guy I'd kiss him well, just because. And if it was David Tennant, I would ask him if I could go in the TARDIS with him.

Would you rather throw up or fart on stage?

Would it be a loud, echoey fart? Or the quiet, ladylike kind? Because I have puked on stage, and that is just no fun.

Would you ever sneak out of the house at night?

And go where? I live in East Buttfuck Nowhere, Massachusetts. We have seven pizza places and a Dunkin Donuts. And that is it. I don't get high, so what's the point? Besides, my house has free food and internet. Why would I ever want to leave?

Do you think this survey was weird?

No not really. I have nothing to compare it to.

Did you find it enjoyable?

Yes, just about as enjoyable as ripping off my own pupillary sphincter. I put it right up there next to getting fingered by Wolverine and finals week at school. Time of my life.

I forget exactly how the next question was worded, but it had something to do with tagging five people.

I'm not going to tag five, because I'm not that annoying person who always forwards the text or email. Besides, I don't know that many bloggers, so I'm going to stick with three. Do the survey if you wish. But the gnomes will eat you if you don't. You've been warned. Whimsy from Whimsyville, Noah Brown from Brown's Eye, and Eeshie from I Don't Skinny Dip, I Chunky Dunk. Please make me feel cool and mention not thinking about doing the survey. Or do it. If you do, I will make you oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, which are my specialty. Or brownies, which are also my specialty.

Anyway, that was an enjoyable way to procrastinate my way through not doing my laundry, but I'm out of clean knickers, and I really do need those, so I'm going to bid you all adieu. So adieu.

Parting Joke:

(I just went to a Science and Technology lecture, so this is the product of that!)

How many computer scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Um, none. That's a hardware problem.

Penis.

(That's three!!!)