So I Suck At Keeping Promises But What Else Is New, Let's Be Real.

Let's start out this post with me saying that I suck at keeping promises.  But you all should know this by now.  Seriously.  I suck at keeping promises. Never make me promise anything because it won't happen, I can guarantee it 99% of the time.

I meant to do BEDA, I really did.  I meant to do BAMF too, but seriously, life got in the way.  That sounds like the worst cop-out in the world, but it is totally accurate.  Things started happening to me, guys.  Lots of things that I haven't shared with all of you, which is weird since I usually share everything about my life with you guys.  Withholding things feels like I'm holding things ransom, which is hekka dumb, but what are you going to do?

What has been happening to me recently?  Let's think.

1. I have AP testing very soon (read: May 15.  I'm going to poop myself in fear).
2. I have SATs on May 4, and then again on June somethingth.
3. I have my driving test on May 11.
4. I have... other things too.

Okay, I'm going to stop being cryptic and just spit it out.  I am not a lonely old spinster anymore.

That might need a little more spelling out.

I have a boyfriend.

Wow, it's been nearly a month and it still sounds like I'm lying when I say that.

Anyways, that guy that I met at a St. Patrick's Day party forever ago?  Yeah, he's taken a step up in my world.

His name is Colin.  And he is adorable.

This is us at prom.

Aren't we a couple of cuties?

If you look to the right behind my head you can see our friend Mike making out with his girlfriend.

But other than that, April really has been a busy month for me.  I've been writing a lot because I am applying to a Creative Writer's Workshop at Emerson College this summer, and I'm also beginning writing for a new short play for a contest at a local theater for original writing. So that's been keeping me occupied as well.

I also have been studying my butt of for SATs and AP and I will be so glad when it is all over and I can just sit outside and photosynthesize in the sun.  You guys didn't know this, but I am actually a lizard, not a human, and I need sunlight to begin to move since I am cold blooded.

Anyways, I am beginning to realize how much senioritis has set in for me and I am not even a good portion through my last quarter as a junior.  I can't wait for summer.  It is so close.  I can taste it on my tongue, and it tastes pretty damn good.

So I may not update until after May 15, but when I do, I will let you guys know what's up with my life instead of disappearing.

Here is me not promising anything.  That way I can't let you down when it doesn't happen. I'm super clever, aren't I?

I'll see you guys around.

Love and kisses,

Jennelle

I'm Caveating BEDA Guys

I am also completely aware that caveating isn't a word, but I live in my own little fantasy world.  Don't judge me.  Or do, I don't really care.

SO.

I'm caveating BEDA.  I just realized how freaking busy I am this month.  It is really freaking busy.  Like, I don't know when I decided to suddenly heap all of this junk onto my plate, but here it is.

I will do BAMF, or Blogging in April More Frequently.  I'll try to do as many days as humanly possible, but what with my course work and the fact that I'm not going to be around a computer for a few days over April Break since I'm going to be looking at colleges.

But I will try my hardest because that is what you guys deserve!

That being said, I have an essay and APUSH homework to go finish.  So I'm going to go...

I LOVE YOU ALL GIVE ME TIME I WILL PRODUCE ACTUAL CONTENT FOR YOU!

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 1 and 2 in One Because I Forgot That BEDA Was Something That I Do

Hi Guys,
Long time, no see!
Well, not really, I posted something last week.  But you haven't gotten a life update for a while!  So here we go.  This will be for both April 1 and April 2, because I forgot that BEDA was something that I do.  I love writing, I just don't have a lot of time for it, you know?
I am studying.  For many things.  I am taking my SAT IIs in May, (I'm taking two) and then 11 days after I take those, I am taking my AP US History test.  And then in June I am taking the regular SATs.  I may die before the end of the year, there is no telling.
And on top of studying, I am looking at colleges.  To be honest, it is completely terrifying.  I don't want to have to make the biggest decision of my life at 18.  I mean, Jesus, I sometimes have trouble deciding what shoes to wear in the morning.  I should not be trusted with life-altering decisions.
And on top of looking at colleges, I am writing application pieces for a Creative Writing Workshop at Emerson, in Boston, for the summer.  I am super torn over this program.  On the one hand, I want to go to this program so badly.  It will look so good on my applications to college and it will help me grow as a writer, especially because I am looking at being a Creative Writing and English major.  On the other hand, 1. you have different fingers and 2. I want to hang out with my friends and do stupid teenage stuff.  That is what summer is for.
Alright, I want to talk more, but I have a mountain of homework to do.
I feel bad leaving you at this but we'll talk more tomorrow.
For now, love and kisses,
Jennelle

Could I Slow Down Before I Lost My Face To The G-Force?

Hey fooligans,
So, I'm sorry that I've fallen off of the face of the Earth.
I have good reasons?
You know that play Waiting Room that I was writing forever ago?  Well, Drama Festival is a go, and I am the director, which means that I have so much to do.
My To Do List is off the freaking wall.  You should see it: I have to do research for my History Paper, write a piece of short fiction for English, write another play for a playwrights' contest, go Christmas Shopping, worry about auditions and casting my play, clean my room, and find time to sleep when I have to worry about all of this.
Sleep is the last thing on my mind and I am literally dead on my feet.
Welcome to the next three months of my life.
What up.
So wish me luck, fooligans.  I might die.
I promise that I am still alive and that I still love you, but I will be slightly lacking in blog posts due to my business.  Look out for BEDA in April though.  That is totally happening, what up!
Love and kisses so much,
J.

APRIL 30: HOLY PANTS, AMIGOS, I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!

GUYSSSS!!!!!!  OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS!!!!!

DUDES I ACTUALLY FINISHED SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!  I DON'T THINK THAT ANY OF YOU CAN FULLY APPRECIATE HOW RARE AN OCCASION THIS IS!!!!!

Now, I would happy dance, but I am currently unable to do so.

I'll happy dance tomorrow.

Tonight I'm just going to get a good night's rest, and relish in the fact that I don't have to blog tomorrow.

Yay hooray and three cheers for Merry England!

Or Massachusetts.

Whatever.

I'm going to bed.

Love and kisses, fooligans.

Jen

April 29: Thoughts From Places - My Bedroom

Yeah, not really an inspired title, is it?

And I know that this post is technically being posted on April 30, but it is midnight, which I don't call Monday.  I call it Time To Do Homework Time.

This is going to be brief, as I have post lab questions to do for Chemistry.

Here are my thoughts.

I am Jewish.  That is just something that I am.  But I am more culturally Jewish than religiously Jewish.  My religious, or rather spiritual views are more based in Eastern Religions than in the Judeo-Christian realm.  I hold the basic morality system from Judeo-Christian religions as my moral compass, like 'Thou shalt not kill' or 'Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's wife' and 'THOU SHALT NOT PASS!'

Anyone?

Anyone?

COME ON, IT'S LORD OF THE RINGS, PEOPLE!!!

Anyway, my spiritual beliefs are more rooted to Taoism and Buddhism and Hinduism than Judaism.  In my own personal set of beliefs, I think that all life forms are connected to the universal energy field, and that we can all access it.  That idea that you had that didn't seem so much to come from your brain and to come through your brain?  I believe that somewhere, someone is having that idea, but you can create it, so it comes to fruition through you.

Example: when you see something in an infomerical and their are talking about a product that you totally thought of five years ago.  I believe that your idea went through the universal energy field and came through this person into the world.

I know that this is a weird belief, but it's mine and I guess that that's all there is to it.

I believe in reincarnation of sorts, as well.  Not complete reincarnation, though.  Personally, I believe that when you die, your energy gets shattered.  Some of it returns to the universal energy field.  Some of it gets recycled and becomes something or someone new.  And some of it shatters into a million pieces and attaches itself to all of the energies of the people you love or people you have affected and becomes part of them.  That way, in some weird way, you never die.  You are remembered, and your memory can be passed on, and in some strange way, you are immortal.

I know, it's weird.  It's also 12:16, so I think I get a pass on weirdness.  I get weird late at night.

I'm weird all the time, what am I talking about?

Okay, so I hope you enjoyed my weird beliefs.  Tell me about yours; I find this stuff fascinating!

Love and kisses,

Jen

P.S. ONE DAY LEFT!!!!  CUE THE PARTY MUSIC!!!!

April 28: My Room Is Freakishly Clean and Organized, Among Other Things

I will be the first to admit that I have a serious aversion to cleanliness.  Or rather, I don't like cleaning, but I like things to be clean.  I just suck at it.

Anyways, I like to keep my room in a state of what I refer to as organized chaos and what my mother refers to as the biggest pig sty she has ever seen.  Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto.  To each their own.

But I kind of went on the fritz today and really cleaned, like actually cleaned.  It was bizarre.  And now my room is really clean.  And organized.

Guys, I organized my sock drawer.  It was crazy.  It just kind of got into my head and took over.  Bizarre times a million.

Like, you can actually see my desk.  I'm typing this sitting at my desk.  Something is wrong, honestly.  Normally I write these on my bed, sitting in a really strange but comfortable position with my feet tucked into my duvet.

Actually, that sounds really nice.

One moment.

Okay, now I'm in my bed, with my feet under my duvet, sitting in really strange but comfortable position.  It's nice and cozy.  And warm.  My house is freezing, for reasons unknown.  It's like as soon as April hits my parents turn off the thermostats.  It isn't even that nice out.  Right now it's about 35 degrees outside.  Well, actually, I lied, it's about 50 degrees, but it feels the same!  I am sensitive to cold.  Poor circulation does that.  In fact, my feet look kind of purple right now and are freezing.  So are my hands.

I actually went to the doctor's for this once.  I was getting sick of how cold my hands were.  Turns out that there is nothing that you can do about it.  Although, one doctor I saw suggested that I get these heating cuff things to keep my hands warm that looked exactly like Wonder Woman cuffs.  I really wanted to get them for that reason alone, but my mom said no.

My mother.  Killing all of my dreams about becoming a superhero.

Sometimes I feel really lonely, you know?  Take today for instance.  No one texted me today.  Like not even a hello.  Not even to see if I was still alive.  Now I know that this is easily remedied by me picking up my cell phone and texting people, but I'm a lazy person.  So don't feel any pity for me.  None.  I can sense you pitying me, and you shouldn't.  I'm just a lazy bum of a person who hasn't gotten out of their jim-jams all day.  A lazy bum who really needs to do their laundry.  It's getting ridiculous.  It's overflowing.  An avalanche of clothes is teetering, threatening to collapse and fill my room.  THE HORROR!  ONE WRONG MOVE COULD BE THE LAST MOVE I MAKE!

I'm done, I swear.

I have three days left until BEDA is over.  It's going to be weird not blogging every day.  I kind of liked the whole creating things, though trying to come up with thirty consecutive days of entertaining entertainment (who'd have thunk entertainment would be entertaining? Boggles the mind.) is hard, man.  I have lots of respect for people who do that now.  I had respect for them before but now I have loads more.  Loads and loads.

I have to go, there is a heating pad that is calling my name.  He looks like a zebra and his name is Harold.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 27: Philosophical Thoughts

Hey there fooligans.  Here is a video for your eyes and ears.  I apologize if it is quiet.  It's midnight.  I failed.  Boohoo.  Anyways, I forgot to say bye to you guys, because I am forgetful and it is late/early.  Very very early.

So love and kisses,

Jen

[Edit: You have to turn the volume up a bit; it was midnight and I was talking quietly so as to not wake up my mum.  Tara!]

April 26: A Bit of This, A Bit of That

I'm officially out of ideas, chickens.
Officially.
I'm not going to throw in the towel, au contrair.
I'm just going to half-ass the next few days to say that I managed to do BEDA.
FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
But I'm really tired, and I feel ill (yay medication), so I'm going to go to bed.
And sleep forever.
Yay!
Love and kisses,
Jen

April 25: I'm Really Tired and This Is The Best I Can Do

I'm obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Like obsessed obsessed.  I've seen every episode of both Buffy and Angel.  And I've read the comics.  Don't judge me!

On top of loving everything about this show, I also have a huge fangirl crush on Spike.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Spike.

He's hot.  He's British.  He's punk.  He's sarcastic and hilarious.  In short, he's my dream guy.  Unfortunately he doesn't have a pulse, so that could be an issue.  But other than that, he's perfect.  In fact, I've written about my love of Spike before, so click here (CLICK ME I'M A LINK) if you want to read that.  It's not all about him, but he's there.

But I love Spike.  I really do.

Here is a video.  Or two.

Teehee.

Yeah, now I'm going to go to bed.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 24: The Things I Like About Myself

A few days ago I treated you guys to a list of the reasons why I am a pathetic sobbing mess who never does... Wait... That isn't right, is it?  The list I showed you guys was the list about the things that I don't like about myself.  My insecurities.  Well, now that that sob story is over, I decided that I would list some of the things that I like about myself.  Not only as something to write for BEDA, but also to remind myself that despite it all, I have managed to not suck as a human being for the past seventeen years I've been on this earth.

So, let's-a-go!

Jennelle's List Of Things About Her That Don't Suck
1. My eyebrows.  I have been blessed by the eyebrow gods, fooligans.  I have to do the bare minimum on my eyebrows to make them look decent, e.g. plucking the middle so I don't get a unibrow.  But other than that, I have perfect eyebrows.  Not to brag, or anything. *cough*

2.  My taste in music.  Yeah, I know, I sound like a smug, pretentious hipster, but I really am proud of the music that I listen to.  I will listen to almost anything, barring country and gangsta rap.  But barring those two genres, I will listen to anything.  And I am proud of that.

3.  My writing ability.  I have been writing and telling stories and developing my writing 'voice' since I could write.  So basically for the last fourteen years of my life.  I'm proud of that fact and I'm proud of myself for never giving up on my ability to write.

4.  My ability to procure results under pressure due to procrastination.  Self explanatory.  I get my shit done, yo.

5.  My sense of humor.  It's sarcastic and self-deprecating and witty and I love the fact that I can make people laugh.

6.  My ability to recall things very easily.  I have amazing recall for random bits of trivia, quotes, and plots of books or movies.  I really enjoy that.  It's like really bad photographic memory.

7.  My friends.  Though technically not a part of me, I would not be who I was without them, so I don't care.  For all I know, they really are a part of me.  I've known them all long enough to have been fused to them at the hip.

So there you have it.  7 things about me that don't suck.  Sorry if this sounds braggy; it's very hard to come up with things to say for thirty days straight.

I need to go sleep.  I don't do that enough.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 23: Vloggity Vlog Type Vlog

Hey there fooligans.  I was really tired today and I didn't feel all that well so I vlogged.  For the first time ever!  Hope you enjoy my face!

Love and kisses,

Jen

Edit: I apologize for the weird whistle-y s's.  It's my computer's microphone.  It's kind of bad.  Apologies!

April 21: Sometimes I Hate Vacation

You know why?  Because I can't stand being around my family that long.  I'm just... Not good at it, I suppose?  I really suck at interacting with other human beings, probably because I'm some alien life form who was placed here thousands of years ago, or whatever.

Do you know what my father just did?

He stopped the dishwasher that I just loaded and turned on and RELOADED IT.  He stopped the dishwasher, moved things around, and then started it again.  Like, what the hell?  My loading wasn't good enough for you?  Okay, I see how it is!

I'm not good at families.  I'm not good at friends.

I'm not really good at anything, particularly.

God, I feel a bit depressed.

That would happen, wouldn't it?  It's a lovely day out, I'm on vacation, and suddenly I'm depressed.

It must be because I have school in two days time.

Someone kill me.

Jen

April 20: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I Know What Date It Is

And here is the thing, I have no desire to do drugs.  Ever.

I live in a very small town.  A town so small, in fact, that the only things to do are smoke pot or wish you weren't here.  Or both.  Or neither.  I spend most of my time doing the latter and none of my time doing the former.

And it isn't for lack of opportunity.  I know tons of people who smoke.  A good percent of my friends do.  My close friends don't, but a lot of my 'friend' friends do.  And it isn't like people haven't asked me to.  One time, during one of the productions of my school's musical, I was hanging out in the back with the crew because I wasn't needed onstage, and when I said that I've never smoked before, everyone laughed at me.  And then when I told them that it was the truth, they all laughed harder.  No one believed me. True story.

My mom actually told me that people told her to watch out for me, because I would be the kid to try stuff.  And I'm probably the most morally-opposed-to-drugs person ever.  I just see no point in using drugs for recreational purposes.  Coming from someone who has to take 12 pills a day to just act like a human, and sometimes that doesn't help, I can't see the point of putting something into your body that shouldn't be going in there.

Now, a vegan could say that that includes animals, and to that I say:

Bacon Roses.  Shut up, Vegan-face*

*no insults to vegans, but I mean, COME ON.

So anyways, 4/20.  Not a huge deal to me.  Just another day, in fact.

And to all those who participated, I wish a surprise drug test on you tomorrow.

Nah, I'm not that mean.  I hope you get the munchies and eat cat food.  THAT is worse.

MUAHAHAHA!!!

Love and kisses,

Jen

P.S.  I don't really wish those things, I just wish people didn't do drugs.  I've seen what they can do to a person and how they ruin relationships.  I want nothing to do with drugs, unless they are saving my life.  So far, so good.

April 19: I Fell Asleep

I am very tired, so this is going to be really short.  This BEDA thing is hard shit, you know?  I have so much stuff to do, and so little time to do it.

So yeah.

I fell asleep at 8 o'clock on a Thursday.  That is unheard of.  And I only woke up to pee just now before I remembered I had to blog.  Well, not had to, more ought to. Either way, here I am.

I killed a spider last night in the most violent way possible.  I swear to God the thing looked like a Black Widow; it had the right spots along the back and it looked like it had an hourglass on the belly.  I panicked and killed the thing with my math textbook.  I figured that I had the right to kill it.  One, I'm a severe arachnophobe and two, the freaking thing was HUGE.  And it wouldn't die.  I had to smash it eight times before it finally gave up and died.  Now I'm vacuuming every crevice of my room.   I don't want any spider infestations and spiders like that  usually have egg sacs that I'm not willing to have open in my room.

I wrote more than I thought I would.  Gold star for me!

Well, I'm off to bed again.  Nighty nighty.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 15: 5 Things That None Of You Know About Me

Or at least I hope you don't know.  That would be really weird, considering I don't know any of you in real life.  But the 'me' that I project on this blog, while being 100% me, no additives, no artificial ingredients, doesn't have any of the quirks that I have.  Quirks just don't translate into the written word.  At least, not all of mine.  So here, without further ado, are 

FIVE THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME

Thing 1: I get stuck on certain phrases that no one but me uses, and that rarely make sense.

One of the phrases that I say - a lot, mind you - is 'Holy Jesus, Mother of God'.  Now, look at that phrase and tell me if it makes the least bit of sense, or even is possible.  Now try explaining that to me.  It won't do any good.  Or, for instance, I say 'that's aces' when something is good, or 'aces' instead of 'okay'.  So 'aces' in my mind means either 'okay', 'good', or 'cool', depending on the connotation.  It's not cool.  I confuse people.  I've also said the unfortunate phrase 'crap on toast' more than once in my life.  Yeah... Not a pretty picture.  But I can't and won't stop saying these phrases. So ha.  Hahahaha.

Thing 2: I am obsessed with finding the right words.

I annoy my friends because I use, according to them, 'really big words'.  Well, excuse me for having a vocabulary.  I like using "big" words.  Here is the reason: they get the job done in one word, rather than eight.  So I can say 'ameliorate' instead of 'to make better'.  Plus, words just sound cool.  The correct word for goose bumps is 'horripilation'.  I have a word of the day calendar, I go on dictionary.com every day to look at the word of the day there.  I love knowing these words because you never know when you are going to need them.

Thing 3: I love finding hacks for the human body.

Do you have sinus pressure from congestion?  Well, alternate between pushing the space just above your nose, in between your eyebrows, and the top of your mouth.  You'll rock your Vomer bone and then the liquid will drain out of your sinuses, relieving the pressure.  You're welcome.  Also, fun fact: you can tickle yourself.  Tickle the top of your mouth.  Guaranteed to be one of the weirdest sensations you've ever felt.  Also, there are pressure points that can get rid of headaches, like the one between your thumb and first finger.  If you have a headache, just probe around in that flesh area until you find a tense spot, then massage away the tension.  Your headache will dissipate as you do this.

Thing 4: I want to travel more than anything else in the world.

I find the world to be this amazing place, full of wonder.  And I won't get to see it if I don't travel.  My life's greatest wish is to see all seven continents, even Antarctica.  I want to travel to as many countries as I can, and help as many people as I can.  I have been given such a gifted life, I feel obligated to give back.  In fact, I want to choose a job that will allow me to travel and help people.  I either want to be an English As A Second Language teacher or a journalist.  But mainly, I want to help.  And I want to write. And above all, I want to see the world.  I want to point to countries on a map with my grandbabies on my lap and say "You see that country? I've been there.  And there.  And there.  And there, there, there, there, and there.  And you can go there too."

Thing 5: I have a loud, obnoxious laugh.

I don't know if any of you have imagined me laughing (if you have, I accept that you are creepy and we'll move on from that) but it isn't pretty.  I have a loud, obnoxious, annoying laugh.  Like crazy loud.  But only to a certain extent.  If I am laughing hard enough, I won't make any noise at all.  Opposites.  What?!

Okay, so now you know some things about me.  I tag everyone who reads this to do the same on their respective blogs.  Put the name of your blog in the comments so that I can read them!

And if you don't want to do it, fine.  Be the party pooper.  It's okay, we all still love you even though you're lame.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 12: I Promise This Is The Last Time I'll Mention It.

Today was a day of firsts for me.

First time I ever drove in the rain - and I rocked it.

First time I ever drove in hail (yeah, I had two hail storms where I live today) - and I acted like a little girl and panicked and pulled over to the side of the street to wait out the storm.

First time I ever finished anything I've ever written - and it was good!

First time I ever wrote a play - and it didn't suck!

First time I've ever entered a writing contest - and it's going to be awesome!

There is a first time for everything, and today was my day of firsts.

April 11: I Am Getting the Sickies... Murr...

You know that feeling that you get right before you get sick?  Like nothing about your body feels particularly wrong, but nothing feels right either?

Yeah, that is how I feel right now.  Like I'm hot but I'm freezing at the same time.  I'm tired but wide awake.  I'm exhausted, in all actualities.  I've been  up really late the past few nights working on my script so that I can send it in tomorrow.  Which is happening, people!  SO EXCITED!!!

Anyways, tomorrow I get to sleep.  And then there is Friday, and then I'm on vacation.  Which basically means I get to veg out on the couch and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer all day.

Yep, sounds about right.

I promise that I will write a better, longer post soon.  My brain just can't physically handle anything right now.

Love and kisses,

Jen

Oh, and here is something to brighten your day.

LOOK AT ME I'M A LINK!!

April 10: I Know Hearing About My Play Is Boring, But..

...no one is holding a gun to your head telling you to click on this blog post.  Unless someone is.  In which case, do click!  It ups my views and also saves your life!  Win-win!

So I am literally sentences away from finishing my play.

CAN I GET A WHAT WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

(off in the distance) WHAT WHAT!

Thank you small, fictional person off in the distance.

I feel really awesome right now.

I've never finished anything before.  I always lose interest or flake out before I finish, and it makes me feel like a worthless loser, but now I can say that I've finished something, God Dammit, and it is a God Damn good something to boot!

Apparently my school is going to bring it to the Spring Drama Festival, which is like competitive theater.  My play!  My play!  Like, what is going on, you guys?!

I am so excited I could spew.  But I won't.

Well, off to do the homework that I've neglected.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 9: I'm Lazy and I Need To Write A Play, So Here's Some Fodder For You To Chew On

I'm lazy and I need to get back to writing.  So I'm going to cut and past and y'all are going to enjoy it.  Mkay?  Mkay.

"SCENE TWO

(The hallway outside of the support group meeting.  The stage should be separated into two sides, with the support group still in sight, but with the focus on GARRETT and VALERIE)

     GARRETT

Valerie?  Valerie, are you out here?

                        VALERIE

What the hell do you want?  Do you want to make fun of me some more?  Is that what you want?  Because you have an ‘actual’ disability and I don’t?  Is that it?  Does making me feel bad somehow ameliorate the pain you feel because you have to survive being you?

                        GARRETT

I don’t think I deserved that.

                        VALERIE

You don’t? You tear me to pieces in there and you don’t think you deserve a little retribution?

                        GARRETT

              (conceding)

Okay, I deserved it.  I came out here to apologize.

                        VALERIE

Please.  You only came out here because Ruth made you.  I could hear her.  The door wasn’t closed.                   

GARRETT

And so it is. I think you should just calm down, and let me say what I was going to say…

              (reaches out a hand to touch her arm)

                        VALERIE

              (pushes his arm away, and then shoves him)

What is your problem?  I don’t get it!  Why did you have to yell at me?  Why me, huh?

              (yelling at the end, shoves him again, hard)

                        GARRETT

              (yelling)

You want to know why?  It’s because you’re god damn so well adjusted, alright?  You’re in there like Mother-freaking-Theresa, going on about how having a panic disorder makes you unique, and how you are dealing with it, like you’re trying to win a freaking beauty pageant.  You’ve been diagnosed for how long?  I’ve had Tourette’s my whole life!  I still don’t know how to deal with it!  So when you sit there, talking about how you don’t mind having a disability, I dunno, I just snapped!

                        VALERIE

              (sarcastic)

Really? I had no idea!

                        GARRETT

So I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to… I’m jealous of you, Valerie.  You’re so okay with being disabled. I’m angry that I can’t be like you. You were just in there, all humble and shit, and I just… 

             

(it suddenly dawns on him how horrible this

“Apology” really is)

(cont.)This is a horrible apology.

                        VALERIE

              (chuckling quietly through her tears; the fight is out of her)

You’re realizing this now?  Being compared to Mother Theresa is just a tad overkill, don’t you think?

                        GARRETT

I thought that it was a great comparison!  It’s not every day your simple school girl gets compared to one of the great women of our time! Besides, it’s true.  You were sitting in there, all serenity and smiles, talking about how you don’t mind.  It can’t be true.

                       

VALERIE

It’s not true.  I’m afraid.  I’m upset.  I’m angry.  I’m just like you are, Garrett.  I just hide it better.  I’m jealous that you can get angry.  I’d trade my serenity for the chance to get angry any day.                  

                        GARRETT

              (can’t find his words, which is a rarity)

Seems like we both want what the other person has.

              (Completely sincere, maybe for the first time ever in his life)

Valerie, I’m sorry.  I am.  I just… I’m sorry. 

              (sincerity can’t last forever with this kid)

Can you accept my apology so we go back inside?  I’m allergic to emotion.  I’m going to break out in a rash soon.

                        VALERIE

Fine.  I accept your apology.  Let’s go.

                        GARRETT

              (sweeps an arm toward the door)

After you.

     (blackout)"

Yeah, I'm not even going to fix the formatting.  I'm that lazy.

Love and kisses y'all.

Jen