Hi Guys,
Long time, no see!
Well, not really, I posted something last week. But you haven't gotten a life update for a while! So here we go. This will be for both April 1 and April 2, because I forgot that BEDA was something that I do. I love writing, I just don't have a lot of time for it, you know?
I am studying. For many things. I am taking my SAT IIs in May, (I'm taking two) and then 11 days after I take those, I am taking my AP US History test. And then in June I am taking the regular SATs. I may die before the end of the year, there is no telling.
And on top of studying, I am looking at colleges. To be honest, it is completely terrifying. I don't want to have to make the biggest decision of my life at 18. I mean, Jesus, I sometimes have trouble deciding what shoes to wear in the morning. I should not be trusted with life-altering decisions.
And on top of looking at colleges, I am writing application pieces for a Creative Writing Workshop at Emerson, in Boston, for the summer. I am super torn over this program. On the one hand, I want to go to this program so badly. It will look so good on my applications to college and it will help me grow as a writer, especially because I am looking at being a Creative Writing and English major. On the other hand, 1. you have different fingers and 2. I want to hang out with my friends and do stupid teenage stuff. That is what summer is for.
Alright, I want to talk more, but I have a mountain of homework to do.
I feel bad leaving you at this but we'll talk more tomorrow.
For now, love and kisses,
Jennelle
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
So the World Is Ending In Two Days and I Am Finally Starting To Think About The Future
As you may well have heard, the Earth is ending in a fiery apocalypse of DEATH AND DESTRUCTION in two days time. If you haven't heard this, I'm assuming you live under a rock on a remote island in the South Pacific, and for that you get a pass. But if you haven't heard of the apocalypse and you have Internet connection, then I think you deserve a prize or something because this apocalypse has been all anyone has been talking about for the last year.
You go, Glen Coco.
Anyways, now that I have covered the fact that the world is ending on Friday, but obviously life will go on as usual and I will wake up the next day just as disinterested in the world around me as I was the day before, I can talk about other things.
So you know that play I wrote forever ago called Waiting Room? Yeah, that play is being performed at Drama Festival. Like, actually performed. By actual people with faces and talent. I am so very excited that you cannot possibly comprehend my excitement. It is like being given pure oxygen and then a candy bar and a puppy and a full scholarship to college and hot cocoa all in one.
Suffice it to say that it is a good, good feeling. The other feeling I have is crippling fear that this won't work out as I have planned it in my head. I swear, I've been worrying so much lately that I am going to give myself an ulcer. Which would be the topper on the cake of my life, you know, if it happened.
That was sarcasm, lovelies.
Anyways, I feel like this is a nice little update type post, because I clearly suck at keeping a schedule.
Maybe my New Year's Resolution should be 'post every week, because writing is good for your soul and you know it.'
Or, you know, maybe something else that will clearly allow me to keep my mental health. You know, the usual.
What have you guys been up to? I feel like I'm rambling, which, you know, works, being as this is my blog and all. I'm procrastinating; can you all tell?
I am supposed to be doing research for my History Essay, but my life has been so hectic right now that I just wanted a second to breathe. I don't breathe enough anymore. I haven't been to yoga class in literal years, and whenever I do feel the strange motivation to exercise, I suddenly lose it and go on Tumblr instead. Eh, whatever whatevs.
Alright, I'm going to go before I reread this and realize what an absolute idiot I sound like. Because I do!
Okayloveyouguysbye.
Love and kisses,
Jen
You go, Glen Coco.
Anyways, now that I have covered the fact that the world is ending on Friday, but obviously life will go on as usual and I will wake up the next day just as disinterested in the world around me as I was the day before, I can talk about other things.
So you know that play I wrote forever ago called Waiting Room? Yeah, that play is being performed at Drama Festival. Like, actually performed. By actual people with faces and talent. I am so very excited that you cannot possibly comprehend my excitement. It is like being given pure oxygen and then a candy bar and a puppy and a full scholarship to college and hot cocoa all in one.
Suffice it to say that it is a good, good feeling. The other feeling I have is crippling fear that this won't work out as I have planned it in my head. I swear, I've been worrying so much lately that I am going to give myself an ulcer. Which would be the topper on the cake of my life, you know, if it happened.
That was sarcasm, lovelies.
Anyways, I feel like this is a nice little update type post, because I clearly suck at keeping a schedule.
Maybe my New Year's Resolution should be 'post every week, because writing is good for your soul and you know it.'
Or, you know, maybe something else that will clearly allow me to keep my mental health. You know, the usual.
What have you guys been up to? I feel like I'm rambling, which, you know, works, being as this is my blog and all. I'm procrastinating; can you all tell?
I am supposed to be doing research for my History Essay, but my life has been so hectic right now that I just wanted a second to breathe. I don't breathe enough anymore. I haven't been to yoga class in literal years, and whenever I do feel the strange motivation to exercise, I suddenly lose it and go on Tumblr instead. Eh, whatever whatevs.
Alright, I'm going to go before I reread this and realize what an absolute idiot I sound like. Because I do!
Okayloveyouguysbye.
Love and kisses,
Jen
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Could I Slow Down Before I Lost My Face To The G-Force?
Hey fooligans,
So, I'm sorry that I've fallen off of the face of the Earth.
I have good reasons?
You know that play Waiting Room that I was writing forever ago? Well, Drama Festival is a go, and I am the director, which means that I have so much to do.
My To Do List is off the freaking wall. You should see it: I have to do research for my History Paper, write a piece of short fiction for English, write another play for a playwrights' contest, go Christmas Shopping, worry about auditions and casting my play, clean my room, and find time to sleep when I have to worry about all of this.
Sleep is the last thing on my mind and I am literally dead on my feet.
Welcome to the next three months of my life.
What up.
So wish me luck, fooligans. I might die.
I promise that I am still alive and that I still love you, but I will be slightly lacking in blog posts due to my business. Look out for BEDA in April though. That is totally happening, what up!
Love and kisses so much,
J.
So, I'm sorry that I've fallen off of the face of the Earth.
I have good reasons?
You know that play Waiting Room that I was writing forever ago? Well, Drama Festival is a go, and I am the director, which means that I have so much to do.
My To Do List is off the freaking wall. You should see it: I have to do research for my History Paper, write a piece of short fiction for English, write another play for a playwrights' contest, go Christmas Shopping, worry about auditions and casting my play, clean my room, and find time to sleep when I have to worry about all of this.
Sleep is the last thing on my mind and I am literally dead on my feet.
Welcome to the next three months of my life.
What up.
So wish me luck, fooligans. I might die.
I promise that I am still alive and that I still love you, but I will be slightly lacking in blog posts due to my business. Look out for BEDA in April though. That is totally happening, what up!
Love and kisses so much,
J.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
The Breakfast Club and Promises to My Future Self
In The Breakfast Club, there is one scene where the five of them are all sat in a circle, talking about their parents. Emilio Estevez's character says we all our dissatisfied with our home lives, otherwise we would never leave. And then Ally Sheedy's character says that we all become our parents, that it is inevitable.
When I first watched The Breakfast Club, this scene stuck with me. It made me think. Was I dissatisfied with my home life? Was I going to end up like my parents? I didn't know. I thought maybe I would. What did I know? I was a kid.
I first watched The Breakfast Club probably when I was fourteen. That was before everything in my life got hard. Fourteen was easy. Some days when life is getting really tough, I sit down and wish for fourteen again. But I know that fourteen is not where I want to be. I want to be eighteen. Twenty-one. Older. Older and away from here.
If I was offered the chance to go back in time, I would say no. At the point of my life I am in right now, I just want to keep moving forward. I don't want to regress, because that would mean that I would have to live it all again. And who on Earth wants to do that? Certainly not me. Not after what I have had to go through to get here, to this point. This is my stepping off point. This is where I begin, and I don't have much of a choice. I have to go forward from here. Going back is not an option.
Fourteen year old me, watching The Breakfast Club and wondering about the future. I wonder what she would think of me now.
I was blessed with having parents that loved me. Not everyone is blessed with that, and I was. Unfortunately, my parents are not perfect, as they are human beings. And it hurts when you realize some of the people you love the most have failings, and big ones. It is disconcerting, as they were who you looked up to and depended on for most of, if not your entire life. You aren't expecting to get smacked in the face with reality. And when it does, it is like a cold bucket of ice water down your shirt. It is entirely unexpected and really unpleasant.
But when Ally Sheedy says that everyone becomes their parents, and all of the other characters look at her and say 'no way', I didn't realize how much I would feel like them. Fourteen year old me would not even be able to comprehend how much I feel for these characters. I am them. And it is kind of scary to find that out about yourself, especially if you aren't looking for it.
Here is what I know for sure about myself: I will never be my parents.
I am promising myself that, and I am promising my kids that, if and when I have them. I will not be my parents. And I mean that, with all of my heart and soul.
It is not as if my family is - well, no, it is pretty dysfunctional. I retract that statement. But it is like that line from Anna Karenina: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I believe that statement with my whole heart. The worst thing is that the unhappiness in my family is internal, like a cancer, and it eats away at the bonds between us and I don't have the money for chemotherapy.
I know that I could do things to fix this, to fix the problem that plagues my family, but working at a problem only works when everyone wants to fix it. Therein lies the rub, as not everyone wants to fix this, and not everyone can see this. Not everyone wants to fix the broken pieces. So they just lie there, festering, gaining strength and poisoning the rest, because only some people acknowledge them and we need everyone to help clean them up.
If there is one thing that I know in my life, it is that I will not be a yeller. I will never yell at my kids. Ever. I have the capability. I have quite a set of lungs. But I will not yell. Because if I ever start yelling, then I will end up like my parents and then Ally Sheedy is right and I really don't want her to be right. I want to break the chain, have it end with me. I want my kids to grow up and not yell at their kids, and let that path of peace continue.
I wish that telling people that they have a problem would fix them automatically. Life would be so easy if you could do that. But you can't. Life is messy, and people are messy, and nothing is ever, ever easy.
Sometimes I wish it were.
I watched The Breakfast Club recently. When it got to the part where they are all sat in a circle talking about their parents and Ally Sheedy says we become our parents, I started crying.
Because when all of the characters said they never would become their parents, I was saying the same thing.
When I first watched The Breakfast Club, this scene stuck with me. It made me think. Was I dissatisfied with my home life? Was I going to end up like my parents? I didn't know. I thought maybe I would. What did I know? I was a kid.
I first watched The Breakfast Club probably when I was fourteen. That was before everything in my life got hard. Fourteen was easy. Some days when life is getting really tough, I sit down and wish for fourteen again. But I know that fourteen is not where I want to be. I want to be eighteen. Twenty-one. Older. Older and away from here.
If I was offered the chance to go back in time, I would say no. At the point of my life I am in right now, I just want to keep moving forward. I don't want to regress, because that would mean that I would have to live it all again. And who on Earth wants to do that? Certainly not me. Not after what I have had to go through to get here, to this point. This is my stepping off point. This is where I begin, and I don't have much of a choice. I have to go forward from here. Going back is not an option.
Fourteen year old me, watching The Breakfast Club and wondering about the future. I wonder what she would think of me now.
I was blessed with having parents that loved me. Not everyone is blessed with that, and I was. Unfortunately, my parents are not perfect, as they are human beings. And it hurts when you realize some of the people you love the most have failings, and big ones. It is disconcerting, as they were who you looked up to and depended on for most of, if not your entire life. You aren't expecting to get smacked in the face with reality. And when it does, it is like a cold bucket of ice water down your shirt. It is entirely unexpected and really unpleasant.
But when Ally Sheedy says that everyone becomes their parents, and all of the other characters look at her and say 'no way', I didn't realize how much I would feel like them. Fourteen year old me would not even be able to comprehend how much I feel for these characters. I am them. And it is kind of scary to find that out about yourself, especially if you aren't looking for it.
Here is what I know for sure about myself: I will never be my parents.
I am promising myself that, and I am promising my kids that, if and when I have them. I will not be my parents. And I mean that, with all of my heart and soul.
It is not as if my family is - well, no, it is pretty dysfunctional. I retract that statement. But it is like that line from Anna Karenina: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I believe that statement with my whole heart. The worst thing is that the unhappiness in my family is internal, like a cancer, and it eats away at the bonds between us and I don't have the money for chemotherapy.
I know that I could do things to fix this, to fix the problem that plagues my family, but working at a problem only works when everyone wants to fix it. Therein lies the rub, as not everyone wants to fix this, and not everyone can see this. Not everyone wants to fix the broken pieces. So they just lie there, festering, gaining strength and poisoning the rest, because only some people acknowledge them and we need everyone to help clean them up.
If there is one thing that I know in my life, it is that I will not be a yeller. I will never yell at my kids. Ever. I have the capability. I have quite a set of lungs. But I will not yell. Because if I ever start yelling, then I will end up like my parents and then Ally Sheedy is right and I really don't want her to be right. I want to break the chain, have it end with me. I want my kids to grow up and not yell at their kids, and let that path of peace continue.
I wish that telling people that they have a problem would fix them automatically. Life would be so easy if you could do that. But you can't. Life is messy, and people are messy, and nothing is ever, ever easy.
Sometimes I wish it were.
I watched The Breakfast Club recently. When it got to the part where they are all sat in a circle talking about their parents and Ally Sheedy says we become our parents, I started crying.
Because when all of the characters said they never would become their parents, I was saying the same thing.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
It's Thanksgiving.
Here is what I am thankful for. In no particular order.
(The important ones)
-My family
-My friends, near and far
-The fact that I have clothes on my back, food in my belly, and a warm bed to sleep in every night
-My education
-My job
-Opportunities that I have taken in the past that have led me to now
-Opportunities that I will be given in the future
-Great literature that inspires me
-Music, as it is the pulse of my life
-The fact that I am healthy
-As healthy as I can be; I'm doing pretty well right now, for those of you who care.
-The memories that I have that will last me my lifetime
-Photographs
-My guardian angels, wherever they are, watching over me
(And now we get into the silly ones) (Which really aren't that silly, since I am thankful for them)
-The internet, as sadly it is my life
-Butts
-Chocolate
-Mashed Potatoes
-Ska music
-Hand warmers
-Aviator sunglasses
-Bandanas
-Comedians
-Accents
-Red lipstick
-Pocket watches
-Sexual innuendos
-Good waitresses
-Grilled cheese
-New York Cheesecake
-Moustaches
-Dinosaurs, because come on
-Cats
-Poprocks chocolate from Israel
-Bad jokes
-Puns
-Laughing until your stomach hurts
-Best friends
-Firefly (although I will never forgive Whedon for Wash)
-Inside jokes
-Ugly sweaters
-My pillow
-Doctor Who, Supernatural, and Sherlock (or Superwholock, for those in the know)
-Red high top Chuck Taylor All Stars
-My laptop
-Tumblr
-Blogger
-YouTube
-All of you <3
I am really thankful this year, you guys. Really thankful. I have a great life, and I think that I am just finally realizing how blessed I am.
Spread the joy! A whole holiday about food! My body is ready!
And if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, no worries. Just feel extremely jealous about how almost all Americans tomorrow are gorging themselves silly, and have a Happy Thursday.
Love and kisses,
Jen
P.S. I have the best joke ever, but I am not going to tell you. Not yet.
(The important ones)
-My family
-My friends, near and far
-The fact that I have clothes on my back, food in my belly, and a warm bed to sleep in every night
-My education
-My job
-Opportunities that I have taken in the past that have led me to now
-Opportunities that I will be given in the future
-Great literature that inspires me
-Music, as it is the pulse of my life
-The fact that I am healthy
-As healthy as I can be; I'm doing pretty well right now, for those of you who care.
-The memories that I have that will last me my lifetime
-Photographs
-My guardian angels, wherever they are, watching over me
(And now we get into the silly ones) (Which really aren't that silly, since I am thankful for them)
-The internet, as sadly it is my life
-Butts
-Chocolate
-Mashed Potatoes
-Ska music
-Hand warmers
-Aviator sunglasses
-Bandanas
-Comedians
-Accents
-Red lipstick
-Pocket watches
-Sexual innuendos
-Good waitresses
-Grilled cheese
-New York Cheesecake
-Moustaches
-Dinosaurs, because come on
-Cats
-Poprocks chocolate from Israel
-Bad jokes
-Puns
-Laughing until your stomach hurts
-Best friends
-Firefly (although I will never forgive Whedon for Wash)
-Inside jokes
-Ugly sweaters
-My pillow
-Doctor Who, Supernatural, and Sherlock (or Superwholock, for those in the know)
-Red high top Chuck Taylor All Stars
-My laptop
-Tumblr
-Blogger
-YouTube
-All of you <3
I am really thankful this year, you guys. Really thankful. I have a great life, and I think that I am just finally realizing how blessed I am.
Spread the joy! A whole holiday about food! My body is ready!
And if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, no worries. Just feel extremely jealous about how almost all Americans tomorrow are gorging themselves silly, and have a Happy Thursday.
Love and kisses,
Jen
P.S. I have the best joke ever, but I am not going to tell you. Not yet.
Monday, November 12, 2012
In Which Jennelle Procrastinates
I have another chapter of history work to do.
Let's say it again, Jen.
I have another chapter of history work to do.
Do you want to do it?
NO.
TOUGH.
YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!!!
ARE YOU REALLY HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH YOURSELF OVER THE STATE OF YOUR HOMEWORK??? YOU HAD A THREE DAY WEEKEND!
Sleep is important, okay?!
No. Not okay. Do your work.
....I'm sick.
Not a viable excuse. Do your work.
I am dying to check Tumblr.
You just checked Tumblr. Do your work.
NOOOOOO. I don't WANNA!
Too bad. Do your work.
I hate everything. Do we have chocolate?
No. You ate it all this weekend, you fat lump. Do your work.
I hate you. No.
DO YOUR WORK, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
FINE!!!
*********************************************************************************
And this has been an evening inside my psyche. I hope you've enjoyed tonight's performance. I'll be around all week.
Love and kisses,
Jen
Let's say it again, Jen.
I have another chapter of history work to do.
Do you want to do it?
NO.
TOUGH.
YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!!!
ARE YOU REALLY HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH YOURSELF OVER THE STATE OF YOUR HOMEWORK??? YOU HAD A THREE DAY WEEKEND!
Sleep is important, okay?!
No. Not okay. Do your work.
....I'm sick.
Not a viable excuse. Do your work.
I am dying to check Tumblr.
You just checked Tumblr. Do your work.
NOOOOOO. I don't WANNA!
Too bad. Do your work.
I hate everything. Do we have chocolate?
No. You ate it all this weekend, you fat lump. Do your work.
I hate you. No.
DO YOUR WORK, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
FINE!!!
*********************************************************************************
And this has been an evening inside my psyche. I hope you've enjoyed tonight's performance. I'll be around all week.
Love and kisses,
Jen
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
I'm Back, and It Feels SOOOO GOOD To Be Home!
Here's a little video about my trip to Israel, which was why I've been gone for so long! I'm back now, and I'm doing awesome. Really busy with APUSH work and actual work and summery stuff. But this is only the first of many things to do with my trip to Israel. Get ready. It's going to be awesome.
Love and kisses,
Jen
Saturday, June 30, 2012
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