I have a strange issue that I am going to share with you all today. It isn't unlike all of the other strange things I've told you guys before. Ready? Let's-a go.
I can't keep my inner monologue inner. I think things and then they just end up coming out of my mouth. I try to keep them inside but my cheeks and tongue and vocal chords work against me. I bet everyone in my school thinks that I am an annoying cow who can't keep her gob shut. And they would be right. Except for the cow bit. I'm not a cow.
And it's especially bad because my inner monologue speaks in a British accent, because 1. British accents and 2. Having a British person yelling at you to get off of Tumblr and do you chemistry homework is way more fun than having your regular voice tell you to do the above action.
I have no life.
So I've decided to do BEDA, because why not? I have so much homework, and so much other stuff to do, the least I could do for myself is give myself a distraction from said activities which I can reconcile in my brain as something that is important. So here is my condoned distraction. Tumblr, however, does not get that treatment. There will be no Tumblr. Do you hear that brain? DO YOU?! I DON'T THINK YOU DO! NO GOD DAMN TUMBLR UNTIL ALL OF YOUR SHIT IS TOGETHER!!!
Okay, I'm done yelling and swearing. There will be no more of that.
But here is my first BEDA post. Really, BEDA is just another test I'm giving myself to prove to myself that I can finish things and that not finishing things is not a defining characteristic of mine. So there, inner monologue! Chew on that for a bit!
*far away, deep within the -quite honestly- disturbing and scary recesses of my mind* I WILL, GOD DAMN YOU!
Hey, I said I was finished yelling and swearing. I never vouched for the crazy posh Englishman living in my head.
Toodleloo and tararara!
Happy April Fools'!
Love and kisses,
Jen
Showing posts with label swearing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label swearing. Show all posts
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
The Story of How I Dealt With My First True Asshole
Let me preface this story by saying that I am Jewish, and extremely proud of this fact. I know that the previous statement sounds innocuous, but believe me when I say it is important to the story.
And so it begins.
************
I have never hated anyone before. I am very proud of this fact, that I am in my seventeenth year of existing on this planet and I have never hated anyone.
Well, of course, that all had to change this year.
So there is this guy in my school. His name is Brandon, but it should be Dick. Because that is what he is. We were in the play together, and this is where this all started.
Whenever I would walk past him, he'd go "chu chu", like a train, but he would say it in a manner that sounded like he was saying "Jew Jew". Which I wouldn't tolerate. I point-blank asked him what he was saying a few times, and he'd get all defensive and wouldn't answer me. So I finally just tried ignoring him, because asking him to stop wasn't helping. Whenever he would make a racial comment, I would kind of laugh it off, and awkwardly try to remove myself from the situation as soon as possible.
But after the play ended, he would still do this stupid stuff! At a Capella, he would make comment and make sure I heard them. He even really embarrassed my friend Peter because he included him in one of his 'jokes' and when Peter realized what was going on, he got so red. I didn't know that shade of red existed in this world. It was then that I started to stand up for myself. He was going "Jooo", which is a syllable in one of our songs, but he made sure he was looking at me what he said it. So I looked right back and went "diiiick". He stopped for that day. Win for me.
However, he didn't stop completely. I dealt with that today. Oh, I dealt with it.
Today, I had a horrible headache. Now, if you don't know, I get terrible headaches, which I talk about here, if you want to know more. My medicine has since stopped working and I get horrible, migraine-type headaches a few times a day. If any of you have ever had a migraine, you know what I mean. And then Dick, I mean Brandon, has to balls to walk past me and go "chu chu" like he's a train conductor. I looked physically ill when he did that. Like puke up my guts ill. And we were in a crowded hallway!
After that I was done. I had had it.
I went home and I told my mom what I was going to do. Now, my mom knows what this guy has been doing, and she actually gave me a bunch of comebacks to say to him which were mean and witty at the same time. That is why I love my mother. But I told her what I was going to do, and she gave me some really good advice. That is another reason I love my mother.
So I went into a Capella knowing exactly what I was going to do. And Brandon was there, and he was pretty good because he wasn't near me, but at the very end of practice, he was right behind me and he asked my friend MaryBeth if she liked "juice". And then he said "I could really go for a juice box right now" putting a hell of a lot of inflection of the "ju" part of "juice". MaryBeth, bless her heart, turned around and said "Fuck you" to Brandon. I love her for that. Then he had the ballsack to ask me if I wanted a juice box. That was it. I turned around and went "Brandon, could I have a word with you after a Capella? Thanks." He shut up real quick.
When a Capella ended, he came up to me and was all "Sorry sorry I didn't know blah blah blah". It was such bullshit, y'all. Like I couldn't deal with it. I said to him "I accept your apology but let me talk. I am done with your comments. I have had it." And then he said "If I had known you were annoyed I wouldn't have done it!" (Yeah right. Once a dick, always a dick. He was horrible to my older brother too when Jake, my older brother, went to my school. Him and Brandon hated each other.) But I said "Let me finish. This is the last time. The next time you make a comment like that I will go to the school." And he's all "But you laughed!" And I said "Yeah, because you made me feel so uncomfortable!" And then he goes "Why are you so angry?" To which I replied "Because I was the only one you were doing that to. And it ends now. This is the last time."
Then I walked away.
LIKE A BOSS.
He kind of looked at me and then walked away, like he didn't know what to do with himself.
WIN FOR ME!!!
He'll probably never bother me again. He's just a jerk, and a bully, and a coward to boot. And I put that asshole in his place. I've got two and a half more months and then I'll never see him again, because he's graduating. Which I'm taking as a welcome blessing.
More than anything, this experience has taught me that there are assholes out there, even in my ass backwards little town (I literally live in the boonies of Massachusetts, but I digress). There are people who will make fun of me and hate me because of my religion. They exist, and there are a lot of them in the world, which weirdly makes me even prouder to be Jewish. Jews have been through some shit storms throughout all of recorded history. Most of the world has always been hating on the Jews in one form or another. This hatred, which has lasted thousands of years, makes me proud to be part of this religion. We can deal with this hatred. And we survive in spite of it.
Just like I did with Brandon. I stood up for myself, and told him exactly what was what. If anything, I now know that I am strong enough to take on people who will hate me for no reason other than my religion. And knowing this makes me feel like a better, stronger person. I can deal with assholes. And I can do it on my own. I can take on the world, in my own small way.
Besides, telling him off felt almost as good as if I had punched him in the face, which was my next option. I have very violent tendencies. It isn't good. Or is it.....?
Well, if you've read through this whole thing, I love you to bits and pieces. You just read my first tale of me dealing with the real world. This is a monumental occasion. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Parting joke:
"Dicks and vaginas are kind of like Coke and Pepsi. I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they taste the same."
-Bo Burnham
(technically vaginas should be vaginae but I'm not one to change quotations.)
Love and kisses,
Jen
And so it begins.
************
I have never hated anyone before. I am very proud of this fact, that I am in my seventeenth year of existing on this planet and I have never hated anyone.
Well, of course, that all had to change this year.
So there is this guy in my school. His name is Brandon, but it should be Dick. Because that is what he is. We were in the play together, and this is where this all started.
Whenever I would walk past him, he'd go "chu chu", like a train, but he would say it in a manner that sounded like he was saying "Jew Jew". Which I wouldn't tolerate. I point-blank asked him what he was saying a few times, and he'd get all defensive and wouldn't answer me. So I finally just tried ignoring him, because asking him to stop wasn't helping. Whenever he would make a racial comment, I would kind of laugh it off, and awkwardly try to remove myself from the situation as soon as possible.
But after the play ended, he would still do this stupid stuff! At a Capella, he would make comment and make sure I heard them. He even really embarrassed my friend Peter because he included him in one of his 'jokes' and when Peter realized what was going on, he got so red. I didn't know that shade of red existed in this world. It was then that I started to stand up for myself. He was going "Jooo", which is a syllable in one of our songs, but he made sure he was looking at me what he said it. So I looked right back and went "diiiick". He stopped for that day. Win for me.
However, he didn't stop completely. I dealt with that today. Oh, I dealt with it.
Today, I had a horrible headache. Now, if you don't know, I get terrible headaches, which I talk about here, if you want to know more. My medicine has since stopped working and I get horrible, migraine-type headaches a few times a day. If any of you have ever had a migraine, you know what I mean. And then Dick, I mean Brandon, has to balls to walk past me and go "chu chu" like he's a train conductor. I looked physically ill when he did that. Like puke up my guts ill. And we were in a crowded hallway!
After that I was done. I had had it.
I went home and I told my mom what I was going to do. Now, my mom knows what this guy has been doing, and she actually gave me a bunch of comebacks to say to him which were mean and witty at the same time. That is why I love my mother. But I told her what I was going to do, and she gave me some really good advice. That is another reason I love my mother.
So I went into a Capella knowing exactly what I was going to do. And Brandon was there, and he was pretty good because he wasn't near me, but at the very end of practice, he was right behind me and he asked my friend MaryBeth if she liked "juice". And then he said "I could really go for a juice box right now" putting a hell of a lot of inflection of the "ju" part of "juice". MaryBeth, bless her heart, turned around and said "Fuck you" to Brandon. I love her for that. Then he had the ballsack to ask me if I wanted a juice box. That was it. I turned around and went "Brandon, could I have a word with you after a Capella? Thanks." He shut up real quick.
When a Capella ended, he came up to me and was all "Sorry sorry I didn't know blah blah blah". It was such bullshit, y'all. Like I couldn't deal with it. I said to him "I accept your apology but let me talk. I am done with your comments. I have had it." And then he said "If I had known you were annoyed I wouldn't have done it!" (Yeah right. Once a dick, always a dick. He was horrible to my older brother too when Jake, my older brother, went to my school. Him and Brandon hated each other.) But I said "Let me finish. This is the last time. The next time you make a comment like that I will go to the school." And he's all "But you laughed!" And I said "Yeah, because you made me feel so uncomfortable!" And then he goes "Why are you so angry?" To which I replied "Because I was the only one you were doing that to. And it ends now. This is the last time."
Then I walked away.
LIKE A BOSS.
He kind of looked at me and then walked away, like he didn't know what to do with himself.
WIN FOR ME!!!
He'll probably never bother me again. He's just a jerk, and a bully, and a coward to boot. And I put that asshole in his place. I've got two and a half more months and then I'll never see him again, because he's graduating. Which I'm taking as a welcome blessing.
More than anything, this experience has taught me that there are assholes out there, even in my ass backwards little town (I literally live in the boonies of Massachusetts, but I digress). There are people who will make fun of me and hate me because of my religion. They exist, and there are a lot of them in the world, which weirdly makes me even prouder to be Jewish. Jews have been through some shit storms throughout all of recorded history. Most of the world has always been hating on the Jews in one form or another. This hatred, which has lasted thousands of years, makes me proud to be part of this religion. We can deal with this hatred. And we survive in spite of it.
Just like I did with Brandon. I stood up for myself, and told him exactly what was what. If anything, I now know that I am strong enough to take on people who will hate me for no reason other than my religion. And knowing this makes me feel like a better, stronger person. I can deal with assholes. And I can do it on my own. I can take on the world, in my own small way.
Besides, telling him off felt almost as good as if I had punched him in the face, which was my next option. I have very violent tendencies. It isn't good. Or is it.....?
Well, if you've read through this whole thing, I love you to bits and pieces. You just read my first tale of me dealing with the real world. This is a monumental occasion. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Parting joke:
"Dicks and vaginas are kind of like Coke and Pepsi. I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they taste the same."
-Bo Burnham
(technically vaginas should be vaginae but I'm not one to change quotations.)
Love and kisses,
Jen
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Random Thoughts From My Random Mind...Enjoy Sparingly With Cheese
None of this is real. Not your shoes. Not your face. Not your fake IQ. We are all in the dream of some great strange sneeze beast somewhere in the universe. So go be absolutely crazy.
Ball sack is becoming my swearword of choice. I don't know why. I say balls when I'm in the company of others, but when I'm alone. It's just all about the ball sack. Why, I'll never really know.
I love the word orugulous. It means prideful. It was my word of the day today. And I just spell checked it, and apparently orugulous is too awesome for blogger. I've beaten the Internets. Can I get a what what? (off in the distance) WHAT WHAT?!
I find out what musical my high school is doing this year tomorrow. I'm quite excited, but at the same time I'm a bit, I don't know, eh. I know what part I'll be getting. Ensemble. Again. Just like last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. But I'm totally okay with that, because I get to hang out with cool people and do just about nothing two days after school until February, and then suddenly it all comes together in a pillar of awesome and it is really good. Just a dead good job, you know what I mean?
I got an 84 on my latest Algebra II test! I feel like I beat the system. My friend got a one hundred. How she did, I've no idea. I'm just pleased I passed. I basically failed the first test. It was a 65, which is a D. But it is still a D, and a D is unacceptable. Neither is an 84, really, in my mind, but that is going to change. I'm getting As in math this year, you guys. It is going to happen. My grandfather was a freaking mathematician and an engineer. Some of that smartness must have trickled down, right?! RIGHT?!!!!!
This whole post is a lie. Your face is a lie. Your dog is a lie. Your non-existent dog is a lie. Your pet rock is a lie. THE CAKE IS A LIE.
My head is doing loads better, for any of you who care. The headaches are getting super manageable, which is dead brilliant, and I'm really excited to be able to say that I'm normal. Two days ago, though, I went to the dentist to get a filling (my first one, ever. I'm such a fail at dental hygiene.) and they stabbed me twice with needles and I didn't enjoy that. My face hurt so much that I had to take ibuprofen. And if that wasn't the stupidest thing I've ever done, ever. Yesterday, I had a headache for twelve hours. TWELVE HOURS. I HAD A HEADACHE FOR HALF A DAY. I'm feeling a lot better today, but now I know how my body reacts to ibuprofen (e.g. BADLY) so I'm never going to take any, ever again. And I should be all the better for it.
I am currently obsessed with hats. I'm growing my hair out, since it is really short and I miss doing it and stuff, but it is getting into that awkward stage where I always have to where a hat because it is just really weird looking. So I'm knitting a hat and I have all of these cool ones and I'm very excited.
Fun fact of the day: Whenever I type a blog to you's guys, when I'm hearing the words in my head, I hear them in an English/Scottish/Irish accent (it all depends on my mood.). The voice in my head speaks with a British accent. I'm just that cool. Or mad. I guess it depends on your view of things.
This blog was a lot longer than I intended it to be. So, I guess that's good, yeah?
Brilliant!
Parting joke:
Why does Cinderella suck at sports?
Because she's always running away from the ball!
HAHAHA GOOD CLEAN HUMOR!!!!
Love and kisses,
L.
P.S. Guess who has twenty followers? I HAVE TWENTY FOLLOWERS!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU TO PIECES, I REALLY DO!!!!
Extra-special love and kisses
L.
Ball sack is becoming my swearword of choice. I don't know why. I say balls when I'm in the company of others, but when I'm alone. It's just all about the ball sack. Why, I'll never really know.
I love the word orugulous. It means prideful. It was my word of the day today. And I just spell checked it, and apparently orugulous is too awesome for blogger. I've beaten the Internets. Can I get a what what? (off in the distance) WHAT WHAT?!
I find out what musical my high school is doing this year tomorrow. I'm quite excited, but at the same time I'm a bit, I don't know, eh. I know what part I'll be getting. Ensemble. Again. Just like last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. But I'm totally okay with that, because I get to hang out with cool people and do just about nothing two days after school until February, and then suddenly it all comes together in a pillar of awesome and it is really good. Just a dead good job, you know what I mean?
I got an 84 on my latest Algebra II test! I feel like I beat the system. My friend got a one hundred. How she did, I've no idea. I'm just pleased I passed. I basically failed the first test. It was a 65, which is a D. But it is still a D, and a D is unacceptable. Neither is an 84, really, in my mind, but that is going to change. I'm getting As in math this year, you guys. It is going to happen. My grandfather was a freaking mathematician and an engineer. Some of that smartness must have trickled down, right?! RIGHT?!!!!!
This whole post is a lie. Your face is a lie. Your dog is a lie. Your non-existent dog is a lie. Your pet rock is a lie. THE CAKE IS A LIE.
My head is doing loads better, for any of you who care. The headaches are getting super manageable, which is dead brilliant, and I'm really excited to be able to say that I'm normal. Two days ago, though, I went to the dentist to get a filling (my first one, ever. I'm such a fail at dental hygiene.) and they stabbed me twice with needles and I didn't enjoy that. My face hurt so much that I had to take ibuprofen. And if that wasn't the stupidest thing I've ever done, ever. Yesterday, I had a headache for twelve hours. TWELVE HOURS. I HAD A HEADACHE FOR HALF A DAY. I'm feeling a lot better today, but now I know how my body reacts to ibuprofen (e.g. BADLY) so I'm never going to take any, ever again. And I should be all the better for it.
I am currently obsessed with hats. I'm growing my hair out, since it is really short and I miss doing it and stuff, but it is getting into that awkward stage where I always have to where a hat because it is just really weird looking. So I'm knitting a hat and I have all of these cool ones and I'm very excited.
Fun fact of the day: Whenever I type a blog to you's guys, when I'm hearing the words in my head, I hear them in an English/Scottish/Irish accent (it all depends on my mood.). The voice in my head speaks with a British accent. I'm just that cool. Or mad. I guess it depends on your view of things.
This blog was a lot longer than I intended it to be. So, I guess that's good, yeah?
Brilliant!
Parting joke:
Why does Cinderella suck at sports?
Because she's always running away from the ball!
HAHAHA GOOD CLEAN HUMOR!!!!
Love and kisses,
L.
P.S. Guess who has twenty followers? I HAVE TWENTY FOLLOWERS!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU TO PIECES, I REALLY DO!!!!
Extra-special love and kisses
L.
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