Let's Do This Blogging Thing, Shall We?

ARGH I AM SO SORRY THAT I AM NOT DOING THINGS FOR YOU!!!!
It's like I've had nothing to write about.  Which, logistically, after writing every day for thirty days, makes sense.  I took all of my good ideas and used them up.  That is what has happened to me.  I am a used up paper napkin, a piece of trash in the wind.
It's late; can you tell?
I have state testing tomorrow.
Bad news: it takes up two hours of my life that I could be spending actually learning things that are relevant to my future.
Good news: once I'm finished tomorrow, I never have to take state tests again!  YES THANK THE GODS.
Honestly.  The questions that they ask have to be able to be answered by those with all levels of intelligence, so that means that if you have half a brain inside of your skull, then most of the questions are an insult to your IQ.  Not even a joke, the math that I had to do today could be done by a seventh grader.  I could have taken that test in seventh grade and passed it with flying colors.
I just have to console myself that I will never have to take them again.  Also, if you do really well on them you can get scholarships to state schools.  Not that that is applicable to me, since I don't intend on staying in Massachusetts.  Not even remotely close.
It's been raining here for about three weeks now.  If it rains any more you're going to have to start calling me Noah and rounding up the animals two by two.  Ugh, I'm going to end up tearing my hair out of my head.
My older brother is graduating on Sunday.  I don't know what to do with myself.  Part of me is really jealous that he is finally finished and can move on with his life and part of me is scared because I'm next.  I only have two more years left in high school, and if this year was any indication, they won't be very long years.  I miss being little and feeling like minutes were hours.  Now it feels like minutes are seconds and my life is just flying by.  I always say I can't wait to get out of my town, and I can't, but at the same time I really don't want to grow up.  Someone text Peter Pan.  I want a one way trip to Neverland.
Hey, at least if I'm there I don't have to take state tests.  And that would be a blessing.
Okay fooligans, here's the scoop. I'm going to try a writing schedule.  I'll alternate weeks, 1 week with posts on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and 1 week with posts on Tuesday and Thursday.  That way, I'm motivating myself to write and keeping the creative juices flowing.  Juices.  That is a weird word.
Okay, I need to go to bed.  I have tests in the morning.
Shoot me.
Love and kisses,
Jen

Ready For Your Mind To Be BLOWN?!

Well, here is a short tale with a thrilling conclusion that will without a doubt leave you sitting with your mouth hanging open, questioning my sanity.  If you don't do that all the time reading this blog anyways.

So, do any of you watch the show How I Met Your Mother?  I do.  Obsessively.  I love it.  It is one of my favorite shows on television, because it never fails at making me laugh.  The characters are so down to earth and the stories they tell sound so plausible.  Weirdly enough, watching that show gives me hope that I'll end up living a life like that, with crazy stories and crazy friends.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Anyways, my favorite character (as it is for most people) is Barney Stinson.  A picture.

True story.

Anyways, he is the craziest character on a show full of crazy characters.  He is insane, childlike, likes to wear suits and use his imagination to get women to sleep with him.  And last night when I was watching a rerun, a thought hit me.

Well, it didn't so much as hit me and forcibly drill a way into my skull until my eyes widened in shock.

You guys know Calvin and Hobbes, right?

Calvin, mischievous, likes to play pranks, uses his wild imagination to do crazy things?

Cute.

Anyways, here is my thought.  It will blow your mind.

BARNEY STINSON IS A GROWN UP CALVIN.

Blond hair, insane, really wild imagination.  Able to wax poetic.

It's totally plausible.

So there is my thought.  It's crazy isn't it?

Is your mouth hanging open yet?

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 28: My Room Is Freakishly Clean and Organized, Among Other Things

I will be the first to admit that I have a serious aversion to cleanliness.  Or rather, I don't like cleaning, but I like things to be clean.  I just suck at it.

Anyways, I like to keep my room in a state of what I refer to as organized chaos and what my mother refers to as the biggest pig sty she has ever seen.  Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto.  To each their own.

But I kind of went on the fritz today and really cleaned, like actually cleaned.  It was bizarre.  And now my room is really clean.  And organized.

Guys, I organized my sock drawer.  It was crazy.  It just kind of got into my head and took over.  Bizarre times a million.

Like, you can actually see my desk.  I'm typing this sitting at my desk.  Something is wrong, honestly.  Normally I write these on my bed, sitting in a really strange but comfortable position with my feet tucked into my duvet.

Actually, that sounds really nice.

One moment.

Okay, now I'm in my bed, with my feet under my duvet, sitting in really strange but comfortable position.  It's nice and cozy.  And warm.  My house is freezing, for reasons unknown.  It's like as soon as April hits my parents turn off the thermostats.  It isn't even that nice out.  Right now it's about 35 degrees outside.  Well, actually, I lied, it's about 50 degrees, but it feels the same!  I am sensitive to cold.  Poor circulation does that.  In fact, my feet look kind of purple right now and are freezing.  So are my hands.

I actually went to the doctor's for this once.  I was getting sick of how cold my hands were.  Turns out that there is nothing that you can do about it.  Although, one doctor I saw suggested that I get these heating cuff things to keep my hands warm that looked exactly like Wonder Woman cuffs.  I really wanted to get them for that reason alone, but my mom said no.

My mother.  Killing all of my dreams about becoming a superhero.

Sometimes I feel really lonely, you know?  Take today for instance.  No one texted me today.  Like not even a hello.  Not even to see if I was still alive.  Now I know that this is easily remedied by me picking up my cell phone and texting people, but I'm a lazy person.  So don't feel any pity for me.  None.  I can sense you pitying me, and you shouldn't.  I'm just a lazy bum of a person who hasn't gotten out of their jim-jams all day.  A lazy bum who really needs to do their laundry.  It's getting ridiculous.  It's overflowing.  An avalanche of clothes is teetering, threatening to collapse and fill my room.  THE HORROR!  ONE WRONG MOVE COULD BE THE LAST MOVE I MAKE!

I'm done, I swear.

I have three days left until BEDA is over.  It's going to be weird not blogging every day.  I kind of liked the whole creating things, though trying to come up with thirty consecutive days of entertaining entertainment (who'd have thunk entertainment would be entertaining? Boggles the mind.) is hard, man.  I have lots of respect for people who do that now.  I had respect for them before but now I have loads more.  Loads and loads.

I have to go, there is a heating pad that is calling my name.  He looks like a zebra and his name is Harold.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 24: The Things I Like About Myself

A few days ago I treated you guys to a list of the reasons why I am a pathetic sobbing mess who never does... Wait... That isn't right, is it?  The list I showed you guys was the list about the things that I don't like about myself.  My insecurities.  Well, now that that sob story is over, I decided that I would list some of the things that I like about myself.  Not only as something to write for BEDA, but also to remind myself that despite it all, I have managed to not suck as a human being for the past seventeen years I've been on this earth.

So, let's-a-go!

Jennelle's List Of Things About Her That Don't Suck
1. My eyebrows.  I have been blessed by the eyebrow gods, fooligans.  I have to do the bare minimum on my eyebrows to make them look decent, e.g. plucking the middle so I don't get a unibrow.  But other than that, I have perfect eyebrows.  Not to brag, or anything. *cough*

2.  My taste in music.  Yeah, I know, I sound like a smug, pretentious hipster, but I really am proud of the music that I listen to.  I will listen to almost anything, barring country and gangsta rap.  But barring those two genres, I will listen to anything.  And I am proud of that.

3.  My writing ability.  I have been writing and telling stories and developing my writing 'voice' since I could write.  So basically for the last fourteen years of my life.  I'm proud of that fact and I'm proud of myself for never giving up on my ability to write.

4.  My ability to procure results under pressure due to procrastination.  Self explanatory.  I get my shit done, yo.

5.  My sense of humor.  It's sarcastic and self-deprecating and witty and I love the fact that I can make people laugh.

6.  My ability to recall things very easily.  I have amazing recall for random bits of trivia, quotes, and plots of books or movies.  I really enjoy that.  It's like really bad photographic memory.

7.  My friends.  Though technically not a part of me, I would not be who I was without them, so I don't care.  For all I know, they really are a part of me.  I've known them all long enough to have been fused to them at the hip.

So there you have it.  7 things about me that don't suck.  Sorry if this sounds braggy; it's very hard to come up with things to say for thirty days straight.

I need to go sleep.  I don't do that enough.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 23: Vloggity Vlog Type Vlog

Hey there fooligans.  I was really tired today and I didn't feel all that well so I vlogged.  For the first time ever!  Hope you enjoy my face!

Love and kisses,

Jen

Edit: I apologize for the weird whistle-y s's.  It's my computer's microphone.  It's kind of bad.  Apologies!

April 18: In Which I Realize Many Things

Realization 1: My blogger view counter is exactly 1 day behind the rest of the world.  I have no explanation for this madness.

Realization 2: I need to lose weight.  I have winter weight because, um, it was winter, and I eat lots of bread during the winter.  But I unpacked all of my summer clothes, and my bathing suits stared at me with eyes like 'Are you kidding me?  Get yourself together woman!' and I started crying because my clothes can be so godawful mean.

Realization 3: I have really weird friends.  I texted one of them asking if they were around tomorrow and my friend replied by saying 'Can't talk playing manhunt'.

Realization 4: I have too many clothes.  But I already knew that.  My room was covered.  It isn't now though. My clothes are are nicely put away.  Give me one day and everything will be thrown about again.  It's my nature.  I thrive in chaos.

Realization 5: I'm going to suck at being awake the next few weeks.  I took my new medicine last night, and it conked me out from midnight to noon.  I didn't wake up once.  Not even for my alarm.  Which I still have set even though I'm on break.  Yeah, I'm weird.  Shut up.

Realization 6: Game of Thrones is a great show and an even better book.  I recommend both thoroughly.

Realization 7: I know every single word to ALL THE DISNEY SONGS!!!

Realization 8: My blog has been viewed 9008 times.  You guys...

Realization 9: I have no more realizations.

So yeah, that about sums up my day.

Love and kisses,

Jen

April 9: I'm Lazy and I Need To Write A Play, So Here's Some Fodder For You To Chew On

I'm lazy and I need to get back to writing.  So I'm going to cut and past and y'all are going to enjoy it.  Mkay?  Mkay.

"SCENE TWO

(The hallway outside of the support group meeting.  The stage should be separated into two sides, with the support group still in sight, but with the focus on GARRETT and VALERIE)

     GARRETT

Valerie?  Valerie, are you out here?

                        VALERIE

What the hell do you want?  Do you want to make fun of me some more?  Is that what you want?  Because you have an ‘actual’ disability and I don’t?  Is that it?  Does making me feel bad somehow ameliorate the pain you feel because you have to survive being you?

                        GARRETT

I don’t think I deserved that.

                        VALERIE

You don’t? You tear me to pieces in there and you don’t think you deserve a little retribution?

                        GARRETT

              (conceding)

Okay, I deserved it.  I came out here to apologize.

                        VALERIE

Please.  You only came out here because Ruth made you.  I could hear her.  The door wasn’t closed.                   

GARRETT

And so it is. I think you should just calm down, and let me say what I was going to say…

              (reaches out a hand to touch her arm)

                        VALERIE

              (pushes his arm away, and then shoves him)

What is your problem?  I don’t get it!  Why did you have to yell at me?  Why me, huh?

              (yelling at the end, shoves him again, hard)

                        GARRETT

              (yelling)

You want to know why?  It’s because you’re god damn so well adjusted, alright?  You’re in there like Mother-freaking-Theresa, going on about how having a panic disorder makes you unique, and how you are dealing with it, like you’re trying to win a freaking beauty pageant.  You’ve been diagnosed for how long?  I’ve had Tourette’s my whole life!  I still don’t know how to deal with it!  So when you sit there, talking about how you don’t mind having a disability, I dunno, I just snapped!

                        VALERIE

              (sarcastic)

Really? I had no idea!

                        GARRETT

So I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to… I’m jealous of you, Valerie.  You’re so okay with being disabled. I’m angry that I can’t be like you. You were just in there, all humble and shit, and I just… 

             

(it suddenly dawns on him how horrible this

“Apology” really is)

(cont.)This is a horrible apology.

                        VALERIE

              (chuckling quietly through her tears; the fight is out of her)

You’re realizing this now?  Being compared to Mother Theresa is just a tad overkill, don’t you think?

                        GARRETT

I thought that it was a great comparison!  It’s not every day your simple school girl gets compared to one of the great women of our time! Besides, it’s true.  You were sitting in there, all serenity and smiles, talking about how you don’t mind.  It can’t be true.

                       

VALERIE

It’s not true.  I’m afraid.  I’m upset.  I’m angry.  I’m just like you are, Garrett.  I just hide it better.  I’m jealous that you can get angry.  I’d trade my serenity for the chance to get angry any day.                  

                        GARRETT

              (can’t find his words, which is a rarity)

Seems like we both want what the other person has.

              (Completely sincere, maybe for the first time ever in his life)

Valerie, I’m sorry.  I am.  I just… I’m sorry. 

              (sincerity can’t last forever with this kid)

Can you accept my apology so we go back inside?  I’m allergic to emotion.  I’m going to break out in a rash soon.

                        VALERIE

Fine.  I accept your apology.  Let’s go.

                        GARRETT

              (sweeps an arm toward the door)

After you.

     (blackout)"

Yeah, I'm not even going to fix the formatting.  I'm that lazy.

Love and kisses y'all.

Jen

My Inner Monologue Seems to Want to Be Its Own Entity

I have a strange issue that I am going to share with you all today.  It isn't unlike all of the other strange things I've told you guys before.  Ready?  Let's-a go.

I can't keep my inner monologue inner.  I think things and then they just end up coming out of my mouth.  I try to keep them inside but my cheeks and tongue and vocal chords work against me.  I bet everyone in my school thinks that I am an annoying cow who can't keep her gob shut.   And they would be right.  Except for the cow bit.  I'm not a cow.

And it's especially bad because my inner monologue speaks in a British accent, because 1. British accents and 2. Having a British person yelling at you to get off of Tumblr and do you chemistry homework is way more fun than having your regular voice tell you to do the above action.

I have no life.

So I've decided to do BEDA, because why not?  I have so much homework, and so much other stuff to do, the least I could do for myself is give myself a distraction from said activities which I can reconcile in my brain as something that is important.  So here is my condoned distraction.  Tumblr, however, does not get that treatment.  There will be no Tumblr.  Do you hear that brain? DO YOU?! I DON'T THINK YOU DO!  NO GOD DAMN TUMBLR UNTIL ALL OF YOUR SHIT IS TOGETHER!!!

Okay, I'm done yelling and swearing.  There will be no more of that.

But here is my first BEDA post.  Really, BEDA is just another test I'm giving myself to prove to myself that I can finish things and that not finishing things is not a defining characteristic of mine.  So there, inner monologue! Chew on that for a bit!

*far away, deep within the -quite honestly- disturbing and scary recesses of my mind* I WILL, GOD DAMN YOU!

Hey, I said I was finished yelling and swearing.  I never vouched for the crazy posh Englishman living in my head.

Toodleloo and tararara!

Happy April Fools'!

Love and kisses,

Jen