Quote of the Week

Take a shower, shine your shoes/ You got no time to lose/ You are young men you must be living/ So go now you are forgiven.
-The General, Dispatch

Monday, April 9, 2012

April 9: I'm Lazy and I Need To Write A Play, So Here's Some Fodder For You To Chew On

I'm lazy and I need to get back to writing.  So I'm going to cut and past and y'all are going to enjoy it.  Mkay?  Mkay.

(The hallway outside of the support group meeting.  The stage should be separated into two sides, with the support group still in sight, but with the focus on GARRETT and VALERIE)

Valerie?  Valerie, are you out here?

What the hell do you want?  Do you want to make fun of me some more?  Is that what you want?  Because you have an ‘actual’ disability and I don’t?  Is that it?  Does making me feel bad somehow ameliorate the pain you feel because you have to survive being you?

I don’t think I deserved that.

You don’t? You tear me to pieces in there and you don’t think you deserve a little retribution?

Okay, I deserved it.  I came out here to apologize.

Please.  You only came out here because Ruth made you.  I could hear her.  The door wasn’t closed.                   
And so it is. I think you should just calm down, and let me say what I was going to say…
              (reaches out a hand to touch her arm)

              (pushes his arm away, and then shoves him)
What is your problem?  I don’t get it!  Why did you have to yell at me?  Why me, huh?
              (yelling at the end, shoves him again, hard)

You want to know why?  It’s because you’re god damn so well adjusted, alright?  You’re in there like Mother-freaking-Theresa, going on about how having a panic disorder makes you unique, and how you are dealing with it, like you’re trying to win a freaking beauty pageant.  You’ve been diagnosed for how long?  I’ve had Tourette’s my whole life!  I still don’t know how to deal with it!  So when you sit there, talking about how you don’t mind having a disability, I dunno, I just snapped!

Really? I had no idea!

So I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to… I’m jealous of you, Valerie.  You’re so okay with being disabled. I’m angry that I can’t be like you. You were just in there, all humble and shit, and I just… 
(it suddenly dawns on him how horrible this
“Apology” really is)

(cont.)This is a horrible apology.

              (chuckling quietly through her tears; the fight is out of her)
You’re realizing this now?  Being compared to Mother Theresa is just a tad overkill, don’t you think?

I thought that it was a great comparison!  It’s not every day your simple school girl gets compared to one of the great women of our time! Besides, it’s true.  You were sitting in there, all serenity and smiles, talking about how you don’t mind.  It can’t be true.
It’s not true.  I’m afraid.  I’m upset.  I’m angry.  I’m just like you are, Garrett.  I just hide it better.  I’m jealous that you can get angry.  I’d trade my serenity for the chance to get angry any day.                  

              (can’t find his words, which is a rarity)
Seems like we both want what the other person has.
              (Completely sincere, maybe for the first time ever in his life)
Valerie, I’m sorry.  I am.  I just… I’m sorry. 
              (sincerity can’t last forever with this kid)
Can you accept my apology so we go back inside?  I’m allergic to emotion.  I’m going to break out in a rash soon.

Fine.  I accept your apology.  Let’s go.

              (sweeps an arm toward the door)
After you.


Yeah, I'm not even going to fix the formatting.  I'm that lazy.

Love and kisses y'all.


  1. I love their names! And your name! And how you actually wrote a play! And how that play is awesome and has characters with non-cliche names and personalities! The world is so great everything I type has to end in an exclamation point!


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