April 22: My Insecurities

I watched a video today, which I will post at the bottom, that made me really think about some stuff.  It was about insecurities and why they don't matter.  In fact, the title of the video was 'Insecurities and Why They Don't Matter'.  Pretty self explanatory, huh?

Anyways, I am... wait for it... extremely insecure.  Now, I know a lot of you must be thinking "Jennelle, insecure?  You are such a silly biscuit for even insinuating that claim!  Go into the corner and think about what you've just said!"  Before things get completely out of hand, let me explain.  I am insecure, and that's... well, that's basically it.  I've explained it.

I have some normal insecurities and some not so normal insecurities.  Want to hear them?

TOO BAD, YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR THEM ANYWAYS!!!  AHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

I'm an evil overlord at heart, let me just live out my delusions of grandeur alone with my cats.  Which would make me not alone, but whatever.

Here goes nothing.

My Insecurities

1. My teeth.  I've been self-conscious about my teeth for pretty much my entire existence on this planet.  They are really tiny, and I used to have really huge gaps in my top front teeth.  Braces fixed the top gaps, but I still have gaps in my bottom teeth.  Also, my canine teeth are really prominent and large in comparison to the rest of my teeth, so I look a bit like a vampire, or a werewolf, depending.

2. My weight.  I live in a very weight conscious family.  My older brother is so athletic, and his natural metabolism is so fast that he used to lose five pounds in his sleep. IN HIS SLEEP.  I can't lose five pounds even I diet for a month.  I gain weight just by looking at bread.  I've never really been 'overweight', but for someone who stand 5'1", if you weigh a normal weight it looks like you weigh a lot more, simply because there isn't as much body to distribute that weight to.  Now, a lot of my weight is muscle because I did karate for 12 years, but ever since I stopped I kind of lost a little muscle tone.  Swimsuit season, people.  I want to look good when I go to Israel! There are some hot guys going on my trip!

3.  My intellect.  I am going to try to explain this one without sounding pretentious, because talking about something like intelligence often has the capacity to stray into that area.  I am a know-it-all.  I'm that kid that loves to know that they are right.  I correct people when they say words wrong.  I'm that kid.  But the problem is that while I am intelligent, that intelligence doesn't spread evenly over all subject matter.  I'm very good at languages and history, and a little more than slightly less good at maths and science.  The problem with this completely normal problem is that I hold myself to such high standards that I simply cannot allow failure.  I got a C for the first time ever last quarter.  And believe me, I'm beating myself up more than anyone else is.

4. My nose.  I have been told multiple times by multiple people that my nose isn't big.  It just is big to me.  It's one of those things that I will never be okay with, simply because I can't do anything about it.  Before anyone tells me that I could get a nose job if I so chose, let me tell you how doctors perform rhinoplasties.  First, they have to break your nose and take out the excess cartilage.  Then they reshape the remaining cartilage by shaving it down.  Excuse me if I don't do that to my face.

5.  My fear that no one likes me.  I have friends, friends that would do anything for me.  But with acquaintances, I'm never really sure if they like me or just tolerate me.  Because by all accounts of humanity I can be annoying.  Sometimes I have to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself to stop being such a freak, because I wig out way too much.  I know that it is completely irrational for me to feel this way, but I still do.

I only want to list five because I don't want to bore you all.  But believe you me, there are more.

But that's okay.  It's okay to be insecure.  It's okay to feel awkward in your own skin.  Because the odds are everyone else feels the same way that you do about themselves.  So embrace your insecurities.  Tell them that it's okay.  Tell yourself that it is okay to feel the way you feel.

Then come find me and we can be insecure together.  We'll have a grand old time, I promise.

Here is the video.

Hope you enjoy it and I hope it makes you examine yourself for a second and then feel better about yourself as well.  That's what it did for me.

As always, love and kisses,

Jen