The Most Pretentious Thing I Have Ever Seen, Ever

So (I always start my stories off with so.  Does anyone else do this?  Is it just me?  I need to end this habit.  No more so for me.  I need a better starting word.)

Lackaday (Nope, not working.  Say it with me kiddywinks - I am not a pretentious asshole, I am not a pretentious asshole, I am not a pretentious asshole.  Saying it three times makes it true.)

Anyway (No, L., ya moron, anyway is used when continuing a story.  And you want to be an author and/or teach English.  Shame shame shame on you!)

The craziest thing happened to me (Not only is that phrase not true, you again sound like a pretentious asshole.)

(Fuck it, I'm sticking with So)

So today I was at the library after school, which is where I usually am because A.  I love libraries, B. It is convenient because it is a three minute walk from my school to my town's library and C.  I'm just a nerd and I hang out at libraries.  DON'T YOU JUDGE ME, FERDINAND!  I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH THAT SWAN, YA FLOOZY!

Where was I?  Oh yes.

I was in the library and I was browsing through the classical music CDs because, again (as if it already hasn't been established by now), I'm a nerd.  As I was browsing through the CDs, I came across one with the title 'The Only Beethoven CD You Will Ever Need'.  And I thought that that was pretentious as fuck.

Am I weird to think that?

Yes?

No?

Does anyone else feel like that is just way off base?  Like what if I don't agree?  What then?  Do I complain?  Do I lie and hide my true feelings from the world?  What then, fooligans, what then?


So am I the only one?  Or am I not alone in thinking that there are probably other Beethoven CDs that one needs to purchase? 


Let me know what you think.  I need feedback on this.


Parting joke:

Snake 1:  Aw, shit, I hope I'm not poisonous!
Snake 2:  Well, why would you hope that?
Snake 3:  I just bit my tongue.


And on that note (haha, note.  This entire post has been about leaving notes in parentheses while trying to disguise itself as a post about a musician, where notes also apply.  I'm not funny at all, am I?)


I'm done.


Love and kisses,

L.

P.S.  I'm finally being challenged in school because I'm reading primary source documents from the fucking 1700s and all anyone in my family can do is laugh because they've all been waiting for this day.  Eagerly.  What a pack of rabid despair-mongers.  Not to say I don't love my family because I do.  But if there is one thing I can say about them, it is that they are absolutely mental.

And as for primary source documents from the 1700s... Well, if there is one thing I can say, it is that no one back then knew how to get to the fucking point.  Circumlocuting all over the place, these blokes were.  If there is one thing in the world that I can say about writers of any kind today, it is that they can at least get to the fucking point.  Maybe I'm not included in this, but whatever.  On the most part.  At least it isn't

BUT since the wise and righteous governor of the universe, has permitted our fellow men
to make us slaves, we bow in submission to him, and determine to behave in such a
manner, as that we may have reason to expect the divine approbation of, and assistance
in, our peaceable and lawful attempts to gain our freedom.
No copyright infringement intended.  Though I don't know if it is copyright.  Might be something else.

Anyway, I'm done.  That was my little rant on how I absolutely hate history.  WITH A PASSION, MIND YOU ALL.

I have to go kill myself now,

Love and kisses,

L.