Disclaimer: I don't do surveys. Like ever. Not even those stupid ones in magazines that tell you whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you. Or if you have ovarian cancer. Or if aliens implanted a tracking device under your armpit shaped like a penis.
I just don't do them.
Is your name on Blogger your name in real life? If not, what letter does your real name start with?
Well, for starters, the letter L. isn't exactly a name, and anyone who thought so is a dumbshit. So no, my Blogger name is not my name in real life. Duh. I've said my name before. It's Jennelle. Impossible to spell, which just makes me awesome.
Your mom. Well, no not really. Unless your mom is a giant scorpion. If she is, I feel for you. If she isn't, then my astrological sign is Scorpio.
If there was a huge "Blogspot-Get-Together" where all bloggers were meant to come together and meet in real life, would you go?
Um, I think so? I don't know how to answer this question. Well, yes. Yes I would. I would want to intimidate you all into submission and build a civilization upon your backbreaking labour, and then rule it with an iron fist while laughing maniacally. And if the way to achieving that is coming out of my room and into the world like a baby exiting upstage the uterus, then sure. Plus, I think it would be cool to meet all y'all in person.
Have you ever rejected someone?
No. I'm too desperate to reject anyone. Besides. No one asked.
If so, was it harshly?
No. Because I've never rejected anyone. God, this isn't applicable to me!!!! Why didn't the question before say, 'If yes, proceed to the next question. If no, skip down a few and save valuable minutes of your life. And then go spend those minutes eating chocolate ice cream until you puke a cow.' Wasted minutes of my life. Damn.
Did they cry?
I'm not even stooping low enough to answer that.
Have you ever tried a cigarette?
Well, here's the story. My mom and dad used to smoke when I was really little. They quit when I was about two. And now, my mother has told me on many an occasion that if she ever catches me with a cigarette, she will break my fingers. I rather like my fingers the way they are, and I hate tempting fate, because I know that Fate hates me, and likes to see me fall on my ass. Besides, cigarette smoke makes me cough.
Have you ever been high? If so, on what?
No. And I don't really plan on it. I think that I'm whacked out enough when I'm not on drugs, so I really don't need the added influence of something designed to make you freaky-deaky wackadoo. Besides, I always say: For happy people, life's a drug. No I don't always say that, but yes, I claim that as a bonafide, one hundred percent kosher Jennelle quote. Straight from my mouth to the hearts of many.
What are six things you find attractive when in the opposite gender?
Aleph.) A penis (you said the opposite gender!) (P.S. That Blond Guy, do I get two cookies if I fit penis in twice?)
Bet.) Taller than I am. This isn't something I find attractive. This is a necessity. If a guy is any shorter than me that means that this guy is a legal midget. I'm 5'1''. In layman's terms, I AM REALLY FREAKING SHORT!
Gimel.) A sense of humor. Any funny guy is hot in my book. Unless they're ugly.
Daled.) Muscles. I know that that is so shallow and you should love someone about what is on the inside, but it doesn't hurt if they have a nice outside too!
Hei.) Dark hair and blue eyes. I don't know why, but I find this combo super, uber-attractive. I love blue eyes. I want blue eyes. Alas, I have hazel. Which are cool too. But they aren't blue.
Vav.) A guy has to be well read. If I can talk to a guy about Bulgakov's Heart of a Dog or Sartre's Nausea, my life would be made.
Zayin.) I'm adding a seventh because this is a necessity. I have to rebel against the system. Read the following joke. If you laughed, you are my love. "Two atoms were walking down the street when one of them stops and goes 'Damnit, I dropped an electron!' The other one says 'Are you sure?' And the first one says 'I'm positive!'"
What are five things you find extremely unattractive in the opposite gender?
Uno.) Being a tool. I know far too many tools. They make me angry. Or being racist. I can't stand racists.
Dos.) I know that this sounds horrible, but speech impediments turn me off. I can't imagine getting hot and heavy with a guy and him saying 'I want to be inthide you.'
Tres.) Idiocy. If you aren't smart enough to keep up with me, don't even try.
Cuatro.) Bodily odors. The bad kind. If a guy sweats and smells like roses, that's okay. But I don't happen to know any guys who sweat rose oil.
Cinco.) Guys who are abusive. That is just evil, and I don't even believe in Hell but I know that is where they are going.
Answer only if you have a sibling: If your sibling wasn't your sibling, do you think that you'd ever find him/her attractive and go out with him/her?
Oh yeah, totally! I am so joking - this crossing so many boundaries that just shouldn't be crossed. That is insect. I mean incest. Gross to the power of ten to the one hundredth.
Would you ever eat a caterpillar?
I already have? I was little. It was kind of squishy, but not that bad.
If yes, why?
I ALREADY ATE ONE, DAMNIT!!!!
If no, why?
Well, it's too late to go back and un-eat a caterpillar. So shut face, survey.
Would you rather kiss a random stranger on the street of the opposite gender or tickle a random stranger on the street of the opposite gender?
Would I get to choose? Because if it's a hobo, then I'd kiss him, just to make his day. If it's hot guy I'd kiss him well, just because. And if it was David Tennant, I would ask him if I could go in the TARDIS with him.
Would you rather throw up or fart on stage?
Would it be a loud, echoey fart? Or the quiet, ladylike kind? Because I have puked on stage, and that is just no fun.
Would you ever sneak out of the house at night?
And go where? I live in East Buttfuck Nowhere, Massachusetts. We have seven pizza places and a Dunkin Donuts. And that is it. I don't get high, so what's the point? Besides, my house has free food and internet. Why would I ever want to leave?
Do you think this survey was weird?
No not really. I have nothing to compare it to.
Did you find it enjoyable?
Yes, just about as enjoyable as ripping off my own pupillary sphincter. I put it right up there next to getting fingered by Wolverine and finals week at school. Time of my life.
I forget exactly how the next question was worded, but it had something to do with tagging five people.
I'm not going to tag five, because I'm not that annoying person who always forwards the text or email. Besides, I don't know that many bloggers, so I'm going to stick with three. Do the survey if you wish. But the gnomes will eat you if you don't. You've been warned. Whimsy from Whimsyville, Noah Brown from Brown's Eye, and Eeshie from I Don't Skinny Dip, I Chunky Dunk. Please make me feel cool and mention not thinking about doing the survey. Or do it. If you do, I will make you oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, which are my specialty. Or brownies, which are also my specialty.
Anyway, that was an enjoyable way to procrastinate my way through not doing my laundry, but I'm out of clean knickers, and I really do need those, so I'm going to bid you all adieu. So adieu.
(I just went to a Science and Technology lecture, so this is the product of that!)
How many computer scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Um, none. That's a hardware problem.