I hate life sometimes.
So, I work at a summer camp for the month of July (This year it's wonky and it is the last three weeks of July and the first week of August. Whatever floats my boss's boat, I suppose. It just seems idiotic to me. Whatever, I digress.), and while I love my job, even though the pay is absolute SHIT and I have to herd children for 8 hours without sitting, today was just not a good day.
First, I want to tell you about Holden.
Holden is me. Except he's 8, and he's a boy. But in every other important aspect, barring age and genitalia, he's me.
We talked in British accents the whole day and tomorrow he's giving everyone at the camp a Harry Potter name. I'm Luna. SCORE!!!
Anyway, today, we were sawing walking sticks, and he was standing right in front of the saw. So I said to him "Holden, buddy, could you back up for me, please? I don't want you to get speared with the saw."
Do you know what he said to me? This is also why he is a mini-me. What he says next is basically my stock phrase for describing myself.
"It's fine. I can't get speared on a saw. I'm too awesome."
Isn't he just precious????
If I could have a favorite camper it would be him. (Cough cough, I do and it's him)
For realz, you guys.
Now to the part where I fall.
So, where I live, which I won't be mentioning, since I don't want more stalkers, we got rain the night before. All of the trees were very damp. Me being me, I was blatantly oblivious to this. At lunch, since I have the youngest group, we get to go to the playground. Playground, however, might be an overstatement. It's really more just a rusty swing set that I'm scared is going to fall over and kill a kid one day and this poor, sad excuse for a sandbox that is held together by four logs and God's prayers.
Logs. Logs, you guys, are the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE!!!!!! EVEN MORE THAN THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, CHAIRS, OR THE FACT THAT DOCTOR WHO DOESN'T COME BACK UNTIL DECEMBER!!!!!
(I have a bug bite on the bottom of my foot and it is reaaaaallllllllyyyy itchy. My life, you guys, my life.)
Anyfloozle, about logs. Logs. I hate logs. Who wants to sign my petition banning logs from going into bars and marrying shrubs? Y'all should. Keys issues here, people, key issues. I really do hate logs. More than that, I hate falling. I hate falling. A lot. A whole damn lot.
Scene: I was watching my kids on the swings, and I was standing on one of the logs eating my Chocolate Underground Stonyfield Farm yoghurt, which is my favorite kind. One of the girls in the sand box calls my name. I turn my foot.
And that foot goes flying into the air.
Have any of you ever fallen by having one foot fly into the air? It's disconcerting. I was completely horizontal in the air for about a fraction of a second. But, since time is relative, that fraction of a second seemed to last for FUCKING EVER!!!! And then, I whammed down on my pelvis and bent my back the wrong way.
HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS. IT HURT LIKE FUCKING HELL.
Sorry for all the swearing, but I'm sitting down and my tailbone is screaming curses at me in every single language I know. Including sign language. My pelvis grew a hand and is flipping me the bird right now.
And after that happened, I had to jump up and act like nothing was wrong. Only one person saw me fall. The little girl looked at me and was like "Are you okay?" And I was like "I'm fine! Never been better! Woohoo, I love falling and breaking my tailbone! YAY FOR CAMP, YOU GUYS! Don't mind me, I'm going to go puke shards of my tailbone into this bush. Don't mind me, just keep building that sand castle."
It hurt, suffice it to say. It hurt a lot.
I'm going to go cry into my dream pillow and mourn the loss of my ability to stand or sit. Don't mind me guys, just keep building that sand castle.
Nighty night, ya fooligans.
LOVE AND KISSES,
P.S. Top Ten Guys I Would Screw has 729 views now. You guys...:)
P.P.S. I know that my last post sounded whiny, and for that I love all of you for continuing to read. The fact that you guys actually read and (I hope!) enjoy what I word-vomit onto the Internet astounds me and humbles me. I have fourteen of the best followers a slightly mad, terribly bruised, but nonetheless happy girl could hope for. And considering that this blog is only four months old and I've got 729 views, I am so happy I would dance if I didn't think my ass would fall off in protest. I love all of you, and having one person read and like what I write makes me feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world. Thank you so much and I love all of you, ya fooligans!
P.P.P.S. It comes up first if you type in Top Ten Guys I Would Screw???? SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!