Quote of the Week

Take a shower, shine your shoes/ You got no time to lose/ You are young men you must be living/ So go now you are forgiven.
-The General, Dispatch

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Updates and Things, Awards, And A Question.

Today's episode of "I'm Barking Mad" begins with some updates.

I feel like I haven't been posting enough.  Yes?  No?  Yes?  I just feel like we haven't been connecting enough recently, and I'd love to get back in touch with all of you lovelypoos.

I am seriously thinking of calling you all lovelypoos from now until the end of forever.  If you have any qualms with this, take it up with Vince.  *points to Vince.  Vince is 6 foot 7 and has muscles the size of demon baby skulls.  He flexes his bicep menacingly*

Yeah, Vince will FUCK YOU UP! *points again to Vince.  Vince waves and continues to brush his My Little Pony's tail*

All attempts of intimidation are hereby abandoned.

Sooo, updates and things is first on today's agenda.  Where to begin?  Hmm...

Oh, funny story alert! *does the funny story salsa line polka*

So on Thursday last week, my school hosted a recital in which professional musicians donated their time and came and played for, well, just about no one.  Which was really a shame because they were all fucking brilliant.  At said recital were a few of my friends.  I sat with my band friends and we all quietly mocked our conductor as he played the clarinet.  If you've never seen someone play the clarinet, it does somewhat look like someone giving a blowjob.  And he kept swaying.  It was hilarious.

After the concert was over, we were all out in the lobby of my high school, eating the free food, because come on.  Free food.  How could I say no?  My friend Alli saw this little girl she knew from camp and the little girl was all "HI ALLI!" and Alli was all "HI AURORA!" and then the little girl looked at me and went "Alli, you have a boyfriend!"

I was mortified.  I choked on my cookie and coughed out "I'm a girl!"  The little girl looked a little more than terrified to hear a girl's voice coming out of what she thought was a dude's body.  When she walked away, me, Alli, and three of my other friends literally fell on the floor laughing.  I was literally ROFL-ing.  I wasn't LMAO-ing, because as far as I know, my ass is still present and accounted for.

But that was a very awkward time for me.  A very, very awkward moment.  It was right then that I kind of said in my brain "it is time to continue with the plan to grow my hair out."  I have been growing my hair out.  I just miss it, you know?  And whenever some says "Oh, why are you growing your hair out?  Your haircut is so cute!"  I've been saying "I just miss my hair!" when I really want to say "Since when is it your business what I do with the dead cells that are growing out of my skull?"  It isn't so, as a warning to all of you - DON'T ASK ABOUT MY HAIR!!! IT'S A TOUCHY SUBJECT AT THE CURRENT DATE!!!

In other news, I took the PSAT/NMSQT test on Saturday.  That was a lovely way to kill three hours of my life.  I think the thing that amused me most was that I was in the same classroom as last year when I took it, and the same schedule was written on the whiteboard next to me, word for word, both years.  I was a little taken aback.  It was kind of bizarre. 

So those are my updates.

The next item on our agenda is awards.

The lovely Gabi from Crazy Socks and Ninja Bunnies gave me an award.

Lovelypoos!  I got an award!

It's the Liebster Award, and basically I just have to say seven things about myself.

Let's-a-go, Mario!

1. I have an unnatural fascination with all things random.  How tall can trees grow before they can physically grow no higher, because water cannot be transported any higher? 138 meters.  Why did pirates wear eye patches?  So that when they went into a dark place they already had an eye that was adjusted to the dark. Want more?  Just ask.

2.  I really want to possess a raspberry beret so that I can walk around with a ghetto blaster playing Raspberry Beret.  This is what goes on in my mind.

3.  Me and my friend Jacquie desperately want to find a place called Valid and dress up as invalids so we can in invalid invalids in Valid.  Again, what goes on in my mind.

4.  I love reading Science Daily.  It is a guilty pleasure.  And I tell my mother I don't want to be a doctor.  Well, I do want to be a doctor.  Doctor Who!

5.  This is the best knock knock joke I've ever heard.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doctor Who?


You're welcome, lovelypoos.

6.  Whenever I meet someone new, I make subtle jokes to things that I'm really interested in to see if they will get the reference.  If they do, then I get all happy and I'm sure that we'll be friends.  If not, they just think I'm weird, and that I'm okay with.

7.  I have a huge fascination with cooking.  Like, I really love cooking.  I have a whole notebook dedicated to recipes.  I love baking more than life.  I love eating more than life.

I'm not going to tag anyone right now, because I do have other things to do, but I will.  Eventually.  I'm just going to procrastinate a bit.

And now to the third article on our agenda.  The question.

NO, not THAT question.  The answer is 42, by the way, if you were wondering.

The question that I'm going to ask is this:

If I were to potentially post some of the story that I'm working on onto this blog, would you guys
A) enjoy that
B) hate it
C) be indifferent, but probably not read (not that my views are super high to begin with, I get on average 5 a post)
D) What is this?  Where am I?  WHAT IS GOING ON?

Let me know, the four of you that read this.

I do want to please someone.

Parting joke:

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Umm, Genocide?


Love and kisses,



  1. hhahaha. I've never seen anyone play a clarinet, so I can't judge.
    And sorry but I would probably tune out-I always do. Ur life is just so much more interesting!

  2. Firstly, I read the thing about "you have a boyfriend" and I was just like, Wait, is L. a guy??? And I felt embarrassed for thinking you were a girl. Then I read on.

    Anyways, I personally might sorta-read the story, but like cricketfreak I think your life is interesting! Not that I'm a creeper/stalker or anything

  3. I feel your pain about hair. Hair sucks.

  4. Amusing post, as always. I love your posts, but I wouldn't mind if you didn't post like every single day. Whatever works best for you, slave.

    Wow, Vince. Kinda turned on, kinda intimidated.

    That was actually a very funny story. When my brother and I were like 2 and 3, adults used to think we were girls because our hair was like twice the size of our bodies.

    What didja think of the PSAT? I thought it was pretty easy. I also wasn't wearing clothes. Or, actually, that might have been a dream.

    Congrats on the award! I have nine just like it. But I guess this is a first for you, so nice job.



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