Quote of the Week

Take a shower, shine your shoes/ You got no time to lose/ You are young men you must be living/ So go now you are forgiven.
-The General, Dispatch

Friday, September 16, 2011

I Wish That Stuff Happened To Me But It Doesn't, So...

I am bored.  I'm having an existential crisis of identity.  Also, I basically failed my first Honors Algebra II test.  I got a 65.  I could say that it was because I had a headache the size of Siberia, and that would be the truth.  But at the same time, I didn't study as hard as I could have, and that is my own fault.

I can't study.  It doesn't feel worthwhile to me.  I like doing worthwhile things, or things that at least catch my attention for more than five minutes.  I swear to Holy Pete that I have so many undiagnosed conditions, it's crazy.  One of them is hypochondria.  I'M FREAKING HILARIOUS.

Nothing happens to me.  I live in East Jesus' Kneecaps Nowhere, and I can't drive anywhere.  Not yet anyway.

So, here's a list of stuff I don't do, because I'm really a very boring human.  Really.  I don't know why you guys keep coming back.


1.  I don't go anywhere.  Like anywhere.  I rarely leave my stupidly boring town.  The reason for this is that I can't drive yet.  That will be fixed in a month. (CAN'T WAIT)

2.  I don't do anything.  Really.  I sit at home and twiddle my thumbs.  And my big toes.  I like to mix it up.

3. I don't like to 'go with the flow'.  I rub against that shit, baby.  Take today for instance.  Everyone is wearing skirts that barely cover their ass, and I'm in overalls.  It was an idiotic move considering it was 85 degrees and muggy, but GOD DAMMIT I WORE OVERALLS I AM A FUCKING BOSS!!!

4.  I like baking and hard candies.  I once bought $7 worth of chocolate parfait Nips from CVS.  TOTALLY WORTH IT.

5.  I'm not a fan of popular music.  This fits in the boring old fart category.  I listen to cool stuff.  I'm not a music snob at all, what are you talking about? *cough cough hides Jesse McCartney albums behind an ironic sweater cough cough*  **I DON'T OWN IRONIC SWEATERS!**

6.  I'm a self-proclaimed old soul.  I like classic stuff, like classic books and classic music and classic clothing.  I like apple pie and bike rides.  I like 50s style skirts, for real.  I don't feel like a teenager half the time.  And then the other half of the time, I feel like an alien, so I guess I'm not a teenager.

7.  I don't drink or do drugs.  I'm already paranoid and I feel like I have undiagnosed anxiety and attention defecit disorders, why the hell would I want to add uppers or downers to the mix?   Or hallucinogenic drugs?  Or psychotropic drugs?  Most of the time I feel like I'm on something anyway, why mess that up by actually adding drugs?  Truthfully, I just like to keep my body clean.  I want it to last me a good long time, long enough so that they know how to cure death.  Then I want to live forever.  What up!

8.  I don't finish things.

9. (See 8)

10. (See 8)

OK, so that is all of the reasons why I'm boring and an old fart.  You probably just love me more because I'm that awesome.  I can be boring and still be awesome.  Did I tell you guys delusions of grandeur were on my list of undiagnosed diseases?  Well, they are.  For good reason, am I right?  Of course I am.  This is my blog, therefore I am always right.  Duh.  My logic is foolproof.

Well, I'm going to go sleep.  I do that a lot now.

Parting joke:

What did you call Mozart after he died?

A decomposer.

Nighty night, fooligans!

Love and kisses,



  1. This list is very very funny.
    I love old things too! Like-old movies. SO funny XD

  2. You have the wrong understanding of 'Old Soul'.


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