Quote of the Week

Take a shower, shine your shoes/ You got no time to lose/ You are young men you must be living/ So go now you are forgiven.
-The General, Dispatch

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Irrational Fears

Alright, so I'm doing this thing where I am trying to answer writing prompts for a while. Starting now. So bear with me. I'm trying to flex my creative muscles because my own writing (the novel I've been working on) is at a standstill, so here we go!

I have so many irrational fears I'm afraid of my fears. For real. And there is a word for that! Phobophobia. It's a legitimate thing. Groovy, right? Anyway, I'm going to get down and dirty into my fears and try to rationalize their stupidness. But that doesn't mean I still won't be afraid of them. There is only so much that I can do. I am not God, though I often claim to be. Let's check out my brain for a while, shall we?

Fear Numero 1: Talking on the telephone, AKA Telophonolaliophobia.

I don't know where this one originates from, I really don't. I have literally never liked talking on the phone. I don't know why. It isn't like I'm afraid that the phone is going to eat my face or anything stupid like that. I think that it is more that I'm afraid that the message that I am trying to convey will become lost in translation and I'll end up offending someone. I use my face and hands A LOT when I talk. And I'm not even Italian.

Fear Numero 2: Spiders, AKA Arachnophobia.

This one I know where it comes from. My godmother is literally a spider magnet, and she is the biggest arachnophobe on the planet. So my godmother, who is a lovely woman, used to hang out at my house a lot when me and my older brother were younger, and slightly less when my younger brother was more impressionable. Anyway, because she used to hang out a lot at my family's house, of course spiders would find her. And then she would shriek and carry on and generally make a fuss. She has passed this on to me. I can't see spiders without having a panic attack. Story interlude: (This also justifies why I'm afraid of spiders, by the by) One time I was riding my bike, and all of the sudden I felt something on my head, kind of tickling it. So I stopped, took my helmet off, and what would be inside besides about one hundred spiders. There were a bunch on my head as well. I screamed loud enough to wake the dead. Now do you see why I'm scared of them?

Fear Numero 3: Riding in the Car, AKA Amaxophobia.

I am not alone in this one. There are many people who are afraid of riding in the car. And it isn't claustrophobia, which I know that I don't have. I love small spaces. They make me feel cozy. Just not too small. Like, inability to breathe small. I like sitting in my closet to think, and under my desk to read. Don't ask, it isn't important. Where was I? Riding in the car. I don't know why, but this fear has intensified over the past year. I just get these weird premonitions, like I feel like the car is about to go off the road or a car next to us is going to spin out or something terrible like that. This fear particularly sucks because I'm learning how to drive this year. Wish me luck y'all.

Fear Numero 4: Going Deaf, AKA Fear of Going Deaf (there is no name O.o)

I am in love with noises. Honestly. I like noise so much that I need noise to fall asleep. I have to have a fan blowing me (oh my god; sex double entendre!) all night or else I can't sleep. And I love music. Any one of my friends can attest to the fact that more often than not I am listening to my iPod and ignoring the world. For real. I love music. Music = my reason to exist on the planet. Music is right up there on my list of things I can't live without, like oxygen, and chocolate, and fuzzy socks. So yeah, going deaf really scares me, because the world produces such beautiful sounds. Like laughter. Or the crackling of a bonfire. Or the crickets that you didn't hear before but now you do. I don't want to lose that.

Fear Numero 5: Fear of Ventriloquist's Dummies, AKA Automatonophobia.

I am terrified of those things, ever since I saw Chucky as a young child. Besides, those things are creepy as fuck. 'Nuff said.

Fear Numero 6: People In Animal Costumes, or Any Costumes Where You Can't See The Person's Face, AKA Anthropopseudophobia.

I am not alone in this. Seriously. I just checked to find out the name, and there was a freaking chatroom for cool cats with this fear. And it can totally be rationalized. You don't know who is in there! It could be a serial killer for God's sakes! It is scary! Very very scary! And people just hand them their kids. Smile for the camera, Billy, and don't let Tigger rape you from behind! Everyone say cheese!

Fear Numero 7: Hospitals, AKA Nosocomephobia.

I am not so much afraid of hospitals as I just really don't like them. They set me on edge. They are too clean... Too sterile. I think that it stems from when I was 6 weeks old, I had to go to the hospital to get a spinal tap because my parents thought that I had meningitis. I didn't. But still. Hate hospitals. Absolutely hate them.

Well, I can't think of any other fears I have, so I'll bid you adieu with a few of the funnier ones that I've found while searching for names, in lieu of a joke.

The fear of seeing, thinking about, or having an erect penis - Ithyphallophobia

The fear of things that are to the left side of the body - Levophobia

The fear of losing an erection - Medomalacuphobia

The fear or hatred of poetry - Metrophobia

The fear of your step-mother - Novercaphobia

The fear of bellybuttons - Omphalophobia

The fear of a medical doctor's experience of prescribing a needed pain medication to a patient - Opiophobia

The fear of beards - Pogonophobia

The fear of the Walloons - Walloonphobia (I've mentioned Walloons before, I know it) (I have. It was mentioned when I mentioned Walloonphobia. What are the odds?)

The fear of the color yellow - Xanthophobia

The fear of the Great Mole Rat - Zemmiphobia

The fear of teenagers - Ephebiphobia

And I'll leave it at that.

Big sopping kisses to all, and Happy Father's Day!

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