Quote of the Week

Take a shower, shine your shoes/ You got no time to lose/ You are young men you must be living/ So go now you are forgiven.
-The General, Dispatch

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Something Smells Fishy, And It Isn't My Pet Rock

This is kind of a nothing post. But I'm bored and I really don't want to do my Science homework because I don't have to. Rephrasing. I do have to to do it, but I don't really have to do it tonight because we are on senior exam schedule, which messes everyone's schedules up.

Damn those seniors. They get out in a week.

I have to wait until June twenty-third. JUNE TWENTY-THIRD!!!! That's a month away!!! And for no reason whatsoever other than Massachusetts state schools have to have 180 days of school, no more, no less. And it's not like we do anything after finals. We sit, in the unairconditioned building for seven hours and wait to die. Summer in my school is the previously undiscovered 11th circle of Hell. And I don't even believe in Hell. Because I've been to Christian Hell. And I wrote a song about it.

"Hitler was there, and so were all the Jews, yeah, so it got a little awkward."

Love Bo Burnham. He's ending his latest tour in Boston and I'm seeing him for my birthday (crossing the fingers. I'm asking my mum to buy tickets for me now, so I can go.) (Wish me luck. I may have to buy them myself.) (SO WORTH IT!!! BO BURNHAM PEOPLE!!)

I'm proud to say I've stalked his house before. And I've met his dogs. And I've met him.

Yep, that's about the coolest thing I've done in my life. Besides being related to the kid that does the voice of Aang on Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm related to someone famous. Bask in the glory, people, bask in the glory.

I do know someone who looks like someone famous though. That Mark guy on Dancing With The Stars looks exactly like a kid in my grade named Matt. They look so alike it's freaky-deaky. They even talk alike. And have similar names. It's like they were cloned, except one of them is way older. Twins separated at birth, and then one is kept in a cryogenic chamber for like fourteen years and then allowed to mature.

Speaking of clones, did you know that scientists are trying to clone a woolly mammoth? Yes, those are four different links, and if you click the last one, you will find out that there is a Kinki University somewhere in this world. Holy shit, people, holy shit. Kinki. My mind is so far into the gutter, it has set up a tea shop and is baking scones. You are welcome to join. The scones are delicious. As are brownies (Eeshie, I owe you for linking me, but I think everyone who reads this reads you or are you, so it isn't worth linking you. Sorry. But I am grateful.).

Anywho, about the mammoths. Who else thinks that this is a TERRIBLE idea? Did we learn NOTHING from Jurassic Park? In the immortal words of Malcolm, "Nature finds a way". I don't know what that way is when applied to mammoths, but I sure as shit know that I DON'T WANT TO BE SQUISHED BY ONE!! Not only that, but the climate of our world has changed since the time of the woolly mammoth. It's hotter. And more filled with people. And no offense, but mammoths are just that, mammoth. They call them that for a reason. Mammoths are fucking huge. And they don't belong in this world. Not anymore. There is a reason some things stay extinct. They just weren't fit to survive. Darwin knew it, and most people these days do too, except for weird Bible-huggy types who believe every word they read in the Bible is the truth.

For example, I've met someone who doesn't believe in dinosaurs. HOW???? I know it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that they existed, but we have hard evidence here on Earth that they did. You can touch it. You can smell it. You can lick it, for all we care, but it is cold hard evidence. And some people ignore it. The person I met that didn't believe in dinosaurs said that the fossils of dinosaurs and other animals that have gone extinct were put there by God to test humanity's faith in Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I then reminded this person that not everyone thinks that Jesus Christ was "Our Lord and Saviour". I happen to think that the Messiah hasn't come yet. Jeez, I don't even think I believe in the Messiah. I'm very go-with-the-flow when it comes to religion. I'm thinking of trying Buddhism out for a spin. I'm a Jew, through and through (I'm also a poet, and I didn't even know it), but it's always good to learn about cultures other than your own. Keeps you humble. And grounded. And expands your world view. So says my father. All hail my father.

So this post has gone on way too long, and I'm sorry I'm rambling. This was theraputic. I hope the picture of Bo Burnham makes up for the weirdly philosophical route this blog took today.

Parting joke:

Today's jokes are a collection of one liners. Enjoy.

99% of lawyers give the others a bad name.

Borrow money from pessimists - they never expect you to give it back.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Always remember that you are unique: just like everyone else.

There are 10 kinds of people - those who understand binary and those who don't.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you are an idiot.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


Slaterz all.


  1. You...you...you MET BO BURNHAM?!?!


    *Jealous forever*

    So was he cool? Or was he like...an asshole? And was he smart? TELL ME!!

    Omg, how old is the kid who does the voice of Aang? I USED TO WATCH THAT SHOW RELIGIOUSLY.

    I'm crossing my fingers for your tix.

    And I liked that one-liner about being unique. How true, how true...




    Buy me tickets too...?


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