Quote of the Week

Take a shower, shine your shoes/ You got no time to lose/ You are young men you must be living/ So go now you are forgiven.
-The General, Dispatch

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I Was Brainwashed Into Loving Crayons

I was at dinner for my younger brother's birthday, and I had found crayons and paper in the car. Paper on the off chance that this place didn't have paper place mats (which it didn't so I was glad I brought it in). I drew for most of dinner. I drew a rocket ship, a clown, a RAINBOW TORNADO! WOOHOOHOO! and a bucket of polka spot paint.

I love crayons. More than any other coloring utensil. They are so durable (partially, but that story will come later). Markers don't shade (unless they're sharpies (Almost Out Of Ink)) and they don't smell good unless they specifically have a scent. And even then not so much. The black one always smells like The Grim Reaper's ass crack or Jesus' toe fungus. Am I right? Or am I right? Colored pencils are good, especially for shading, but they get dull really fast. And have you ever tried sticking colored pencils in a backpack? Not a good move. I broke all the tips and cried over it for days. Well, that's hyperbole. Hours maybe, but not days.

That is why crayons are the coloring utensil of choice (Okay, why am I using the term coloring utensil? I do NOT EAT WITH A CRAYON! It is NOT A UTENSIL! Stupid public school has brainwashed me into calling all my coloring awesomeness a utensil. "Get out your coloring utensils guys!" Um I refuse. On principle (What principle? I'm strange) and you and your utensils can bite me and my CRAYONS ass.). Crayons are awesome at shading. They have the paper that you can rip and expose more awesomeness, so you can color more. You can even sharpen a crayon. Question: HOW COOL? Answer: SO COOL! Plus, they smell SO GOOD. I know, I know. Crayons are literally just colored wax that you can smush onto paper to make pretty pictures. However, crayons are, in my mind, colored awesome.

Crayons are the coloring tool of nostalgia. (Why did I say tool? Am I so brainwashed that I have no other word for my crayons anymore? Tears) Have you ever picked up a crayon and NOT thought about preschool or kindergarten? I dare you too. Crayons are the recorders of coloring supplies (<-SUCCESS!). They just bring you back, man. They just bring you back.

In my case, they bring me back to approximately ten years ago. My bed was pushed up right next to the heater, and I had been coloring on it. Coloring in bed is like coloring 10,000x. It just ups the awesome. Anyway, some of the crayons had slipped down between the crack of my bed and the wall, into that place where all lost things hide. I once found ten bucks in dollar bills and quarters between my wall and my bed. True story. It was phenomenal.

Anyway, so these crayons had slipped down there, and little six year old me didn't know. This was during the winter, so of course the heater was on. This is where crayons have their downside. Crayons are wax, i.e. they melt when heated. So my lovely crayons melted all over my heater and the dust ruffle of my bed. And when my mom found this, she was just under volcanic eruption and just above angry wildebeest. She was furious, to say the least. And ever since then, during the winter when the heat comes on, my whole room smells like crayons.

I think that that is why I like the smell of crayons so much. While I slept for the past ten years all I've been smelling is crayons. My room is brainwashing me. But since I'm totally okay with it since my room isn't really like Big Brother or anything, I have gradually grown into a crayon freak. It stopped for a while, in middle school. But it's lovely, smelly, waxy head is rearing again and I have a deep need for coloring books. Just because they are legen-wait for it!-dary. And so am I, so this is a great partnership.

Crayola should use me for a spokesperson. "I let Crayola crayons melt on my heater as a child, and now I would never use any other kind. They just don't smell right!"

I can smell the job coming my way, and ladies and gents, it smells like CRAYONS!

Parting joke:
Well, technically a quote(s). But fitting.

Give crayons. Adults are disturbingly impoverished of these magical dream sticks.
Dr. Sunwolf

If you want an interesting party sometime, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.
-Robert Fulghum.

And on that note, I'm planning a party.

Good night all/ Good morning since most of you will read this then.


  1. Ah...this post is bringing me back to the good ol' days...

  2. Give me time...and a crayon.

    Anywho, thought I'd drop by to say that I find you wildly entertaining, and that this blog post in particular read (in my head, at least) like you were hopped up on crayon fumes and sugar when you wrote it.

    In all the best ways, of course. ^__^


  3. That title really drew me in. Good job.


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